Rose Colored Glasses
by Darling-Dollface
Summary: Dreams and wishes don't come true. Not anymore. Not for her.The world doesn't revolve around fairy tales because we live in a world where money makes it go round. Sex sells and she'd do what she had to even if it meant striking a deal with the devil.SXD
1. Chapter I

_**R**_**ose Colored Glasses**

**Summary: **Dreams and wishes don't come true. Not anymore. Not for her.The world doesn't revolve around fairy tales because we live in a world where money makes it go round. Sex sells and she'd do what she had to even if it meant striking a deal with the devil. A new life. But her hands are soaked with blood and only now will she realize promises are made to be broken**.**

_**Chapter I**_

x.--.x.--.x

After so long it's hard to remember faces of people I long thought I'd forgotten. No matter how hard I try, the faces I picture are just odd shapes and colors. Like the pieces just won't fit together. I can't remember what they look like or remember the sound of their voices. Unrecognizable to me, and I wonder why I've never thought of them before. Why I never took the time to mesmerize every part of them. They're simply ghosts to me now. Ghosts of my past. A past that I no longer know myself. But I wonder, can no one remember my face? Remember my voice? My smile? Maybe. We are the forgotten.

These are the thoughts that swim around in my mind. Everyday. I think about the life I used to have. The nice house, loving family, wonderful friends. I threw it all away. I often wonder if this is my punishment; always wondering if they ever think of me. In my dreams, we are reunited. But I don't know who they are. Faces always hidden. We dance together in this masquerade party. I lean against the fence, my leg propped up. My skirt rides up exposing my pale thigh. It's a little chilly out tonight. It doesn't matter though because I can't worry about that now. It's a slow night, and Dime is going to kill me if I don't make anything. Some guys come around the corner, joking and laughing drinking their beers. Right now it's do or die.

"Hey!" I call out to them. "Do any of you happen to have a cigarette?"

"Yeah, sure." He takes the pack out of his pocket and hands me one."Anything for a gorgeous babe like yourself."

I put the cig to my lips and reach down into my boot to retrieve my lighter. "Anything?" I ask him in a low voice slow trailing the lighter up my thigh. I watch as his eyes darken, following my hand.

His friends laugh, gulping their beers and offering their goodbye's as they leave him with me. 'We'll be at the hotel!'.

He must have been from out of town.

The one thing I love about people from out of town was that I didn't have to see them around again in mine. They wouldn't recognize me and say 'Aren't you that girl...'. It was better this way.

I take a few huffs of my cigarette before tossing it to the ground and stepping on it. His husky tone breaks the silence.

"What did you have in mind?"

I smirk at him. "I should be asking you that question." I walk away, edging towards the back of a building. I know he's following right behind me.

He catches me by surprise, grabbing me around the waist and pushing me against the wall. My heads rests against the cold bricks as he runs his hands down my sides. I shudder in disgust. I shouldn't care what he does. I should be used to this by now. He takes it the wrong way. "I'm sure I can think of something."

I manage to turn around and back him up against the nearest wall. I hate this part. I hate to touch any of these bastards. I lean in close, brushing my lips against his ear. I trail my hand down the front of his jeans and trail it back up. Continuing this motion, I whisper in his ear. "Nothing in life is free." And that's the only thing that I sincerely mean tonight.

Something goes wrong. I'm about to unbuckle his belt when he gets aggressive. He grabs my hands tightly and tries to kiss me as he wedges a knee between my legs. This is never how it goes. He's messing everything up. Kissing and touching are against my rules...specifically Dime's rules. I lure in the customer, give him a blow, grab the cash and get the hell out of there. That's how it's always been.

I put my hands on his chest to try and calm him down. "Slow down. What's your rush?"

He merely brings his lips to my neck, ignoring me. "Seiya."

"What?"

"My name's Seiya." He groans as he licks my ear. "I want you to say it."

I'm still trying to free my hands from his grip. "Listen, I think-..." He cuts me off, tightening his grip on my wrists and biting down on my neck hard.

"Say it."

"I think we should forget about the whole thing." Screw the money.

He stops what he's doing but doesn't loosen his hold on me. He looks into my eyes angrily. "Forget it? You are the one that propositioned me you fucking whore."

"You're hurting me."

"Oh, am I? I'm sorry..." He let's go of my wrists only to grab my hair. "You were right about one thing though. Nothing is free so you're going to be paying me back for the time I've wasted."

"Let go of me you asshole!" I try to hit or kick him somehow but he pulls my hair harder. My skull feels like it's on fire. Screaming is the only thing I'm capable of doing.

"You think you can just fucking tease me like that?"

Tease; to irritate or provoke with persistent petty distractions, trifling raillery, or other annoyance, often in sport.

I didn't want this.

I didn't even want to look at him, let alone to touch him.

Get in, get out. No strings, no complications and I've got my payment.

I don't enjoy this.

Those pig like fuckers do.

Nobody pays me nearly enough to be a tease. It's not in the job description.

He let's go of my hair, but instead opts for knocking me to the ground. I hiss in pain as I scrape my knee against the concrete and at the broken glass digging into my arm. Tears well up in the corners of my eyes, but I force them back. He forces himself on top of me, busying himself with his belt buckle and undoing his pants. I scream so loudly that this voice doesn't even sound like my own. And then all I feel is utter pain as his fist connects with my cheek. "Shut the hell up! You aren't making this any easier."

My mind is dizzy. My vision blurs as I reach around for something, anything. I grasp a shard of glass. As he reaches for my skirt I dig the shard of glass into his shoulder viciously. His blood drips onto my shirt as he stands up hollering. Attempting to retrieve the glass. But he can't. The blood makes it too slippery to grasp. And he can do nothing, but cry out in agony. I scramble to my feet, quickly observing my surroundings.

"You fucking bitch!"

Would it really matter if he killed me now? I'm not sure if I was living the proper way in the first place.

Why do I scream? Why do I run away from my only escape?

Oh, how I praise thy savior.

I close my eyes and await the noise my bones will make when they will be broken. I await the impact of his clenched fists connecting with my face. I await the blood that will possibly pour. I look forward to this end. My way out. I will be forgotten by most, but in his heart I will be forever remembered.

I hear a gunshot. A body falling to the ground with a thud.

I'm frozen as I slowly open my eyes, already knowing what I'll see. Disappointment seems to fill me. That was the only way. My one way ticket out of all of this, snatched away so quickly. I walk over to the now dead body of Seiya. This Seiya something, who's friends will probably come looking for him tomorrow morning. And when they find him when the sun is almost at the end of it's journey towards the clouds up high in the sky, they will find him with a bullet through his head. They will find the ground beneath him soaked with his blood as his wounds give his life away. And with this discovery they will go back to wherever they came from, to their town and tell his family, his girlfriend if he has one, and more of his friends of what they saw. And after a few months, maybe years they will say that this Seiya something is with God now. In a better place that I had wished to be.

I feel bile rising up my throat as I look away from the tangled limbs. This bloodied mess.

"Fucking bastard..." The man with the gun spat. I could feel his eyes boring into me even in the darkness of the alley, but I didn't meet his eyes. I felt disgusted. "You okay?" Those simple words tumbled from his lips in a husky tone.

"Yeah...thank God you got here when you did." The lies tumbled from mine automatically. I knew I looked worse than I sounded.

"What are you doing with a guy like that?" I finally looked up at him. I asked myself the same question everyday. Why couldn't my life be any easier than this?

But I could never come up with a plausible answer to that. I probably never will.

"Isn't it a little passed your bed time to be out this late?"

I have nothing to say.

Instead I busy myself with rummaging through Seiya's pockets for his wallet or any loose cash. I wonder what he must've thought of me doing this, but then I cleared those thoughts from my mind. Who was he to judge when he had just shot a man clear in the head out of nowhere? People do what they have to do.

I hear footsteps coming our way and then an unfamiliar voice tinted with a british accent speaks out in the darkness. His voice echoing off the walls towards our very ears. "Dar, what in the bloody hell was-..." He takes a couple of steps, deeper into the alley. He takes one look at the body, his eyes linger on me for a few seconds before he's turning to the guy with the gun and rolling his eyes. "I leave you for 5 sodding minutes to take a piss..." His voice trailed off into the night's breeze.

"If he hadn't..I..he would've killed me." I admitted quietly as I proceeded to shove Seiya's money inside my boot. I don't know why I felt the sudden need to say a single word to either of them. But I did.

Sirens off in the distance break the awkward silence and I'm suddenly glad for the distraction.

"Right." The guy with the gun says. "I say we get the fuck out of here unless you lovely ladies would like to spend what's left of the night in a cell, taking it up the ass by some jackass who calls himself Arlene." He looked pointedly at the other guy.

Closer. Closer. They'd be here soon enough.

We leave Seiya like a broken up China doll abandoned in the alley and walk out of the night's shadows.

But I have no idea what to do next.

The two enigma's are already walking across the street to a parked car. They smash the driver's side window. The alarm goes off.

They're coming closer.

Soon we'll be able to feel the cool metal shackled to our wrists.

Justice is what they want.

They somehow get the car started and are looking over at me expectantly from across the street.

"What?"

The guy with the gun, my supposed _saviour_ leans his arms on the roof of the car, staring at me impatiently before rolling his eyes. His friend laughs. "Get in."

I shake my head. This night can only get worse.

"I'm okay on my own. " Smile and look capable. "It's fine really."

"Listen princess, we don't have fucking time for this. Now is not the time to play hero."

Was that what I was doing?

I wished I was. I could've been invisible.

I'd slowly fade away from everyone and everything.

Disappear completely.

Until no one could see my battle scars or the number of sins I held over my head.

An impossible paradise that I longed for.

Sirens blared.

Closer and closer they come.

"Oh, for fuck's sake..."

I stand here, under street lights and close to morning skies.

I focus my eyes on him as he rushes over to me, reaching out to me.

My mind is stuck on slow motion because I don't react fast enough.

He grabs my wrist, pulling me along towards the car all the while cursing to himself.

But I don't want this.

Things will only get worse.

He pulls me around the side of the car and I try to pull away.

My eyes water as he suddenly grabs me by my arms, putting more pressure on my cuts and bruises. He looks at me sharply.

"I can take care of myself."

The words fall from my mouth.

They'd be here any minute now.

"Apparently not." He simply says, locking his arms around my waist and shoving me in through the passenger side The other one already has the car in gear and makes a sharp U turn, knocking me on top of the gun man. My face is buried in his chest from the impact. I push myself off of him quickly.

His breath hitches.

His hand grazes my waist as the other one is on the back of my thigh.

I don't want this.

But then he's pushing me towards the backseat.

"Put your seatbelt on. You keep your mouth shut and your head down."

"Now we're starting to have some real fun!" The one driving cackles. Through the rearview mirror I could see amusement twinkling in his eyes. Complete and utter amusement.

I don't understand why.

I don't think I want to.

He winks.

Dread wells up inside me. He must see it in my eyes becauses he begins to laugh.

Always laughing.

"Not to worry love," He says in that heavy accent of his. "they won't catch up to us."

He nods his head over to the side as indication. I hesitantly look out the back window only to see 2 pairs of red and blue lights trailing behind us.

Faster.

The car accelerates and he laughs some more and calls out. The gun man lights up a cigarette and closes his eyes as he rest his head on the seat. A lazy smirk graces his lips as the other performs another sharp turn and now we're facing the guardians of justice head

"What are you doing? We're supposed to be getting away from them not moving closer!" I find myself shouting panickingly.

"Didn't I told you to shut up and keep your head down?"

We are headed straight for them and no one was changing course.

Crash.

We all fall down.

The end.

But this is just the beginning as the car glides in a semi circle while the cops come to a sudden halt. Tires screeching against the pavement so as not to smash into the side of our car. No matter how badly they wanted to continue this chase they must remember the safety of each and every civilian. It's a sworn promise. The stolen vehicle comes to an abrupt halt right before them. The gun man salutes them with the same lazy smirk imbeded on his lips.

The cops seem to be screaming and flaying their arms about in anger, but it's too late.

We're already zooming down another dark and empty alley way.

We're already too far gone for them to catch us now.

"What did I tell you?" He said this as if I never had a reason to doubt him.

But they're strangers to me.

"Make a left, we're going to Marshall's."

"Aye, aye."

My ears are met with silence as we drive. Smooth sailing is more like it.

I can feel my eyes getting heavy, but I force them to stay open. I look out the window to see the sun rising. Was it really this late? I had started my shift a little over 7 hours ago and all I had to show for it was-...I reach down into my boot and scope around for the money I claimed as my own from Seiya's pockets. 20...7 hours and all I had to show for it was 20 fucking dollars. I arch my back and lift up off the seat and grasp my phone from the waist ban of my skirt.

I always turned my ringer off while I was working.

I stare down at the screen where it says I have 5 messages. I don't bother listening to them because I already know who they're from. Who's deep voice will flow into my ears . His voice always seemed so sultry yet I could always detect an undertone of fiercocity if I did something wrong. I always seemed to be doing something wrong.

"Shit." I didn't even realize I had said it out loud until the gun man is looking back at me.

"We're here."

His gaze holds mine a minute longer before the both of them are stepping out of the car and walking over to a door. An almost hidden door. I take the time to observe my surroundings. We're in the back of a building on an abandonned shipping dock. I stare up at the rusted tiles on the roof until my eyes flick to the soaring morning seaguls and calm water.

Wherever the hell we are, I need to get out of here.

He pounds on the door. "Marshall! Open up!"

A pair of eyes are suddenly glaring at us through a slot in the door. "Do you have it?"

"Open the door you son of a bitch." He laughs so that the corners of his lips are quirking up. A rich laugh. An empty laugh.

A few minutes later the doors is being torn open by a burly man. His white wife beater is greasy, adorning random black sports and yellow stains on his chest and under his arms. His black hair is slicked back in a pony tail and the black hair of his beard is streaked with grey. He'd done it up in two braids with black beads dangling at the ends.

The driver flings his arms wide open. "Marshall!"

"The beer's upstairs." He responds dryly.

Before he walks inside, he lightly pats Marshall on his cheek, "Good man."

"Do you have it?" The gun man throw a wrapped up package at him. "You know how fucking long I-...Who's that?"

His eyes are suddenly on me.

"Someone who's young enough to be your daughter you sick fuck."

"Asshole..." He mutters before going back inside.

"Thanks for your help." I quietly say. I back away from him slowly so he won't get the chance to grab me again. "I should be going."

He quirks his eyebrow at me. His body is positioned half in the doorway and I can see the driver guy drinking his beer and talking to this Marshall guy about something. The inside of this place looks dark, but dim litted.

"I...uhm..." I stare down at the ground. I can't look at him while I speak. These simplest of words never seemed so difficult to say at a time like this. "Thanks for-..."

"See you around." He interupts me, waving his hand in a remiss goodbye. He walks back inside the dank building and slams the door behind him.

Never look back.

I stare up at the nearly grey clouds littering the sky before wrapping my arms around myself and walking out from around the building to find a main road or an address. I walk in the direction of what I'm figuring is south and it's not long before I come across what I've been looking for. I take out my phone and dial a few numbers and rattle off some street names.

And I wait.

I sit myself on the ground and go over everything in my mind. This was something that I could never forget. No matter how hard I could try this was just something you can't let go of so easily, no matter how badly I wanted to.

I may have been forgotten in someone's heart.

A half an hour later a car was pulling up beside me. I got up off the ground and walked over to the passenger side before getting in. "Thanks for picking me up Saph." I close my eyes and rest my head against the seat. The need for sleep creeps upon me once again. "I really appreciate it."

"Don't worry about it Serena." He puts some cd in, but I can't remember who sings the song. I don't even bother to try and remember. "It's not a problem."

He would forever be seered in mine.

x.--.x.--.x

**Gee...that is my first attempt at a Sailor Moony fic so please...be kind. So I'm gunna clarify some stuff so bare with me. So this is going to be a pretty dark fic..the theme basically is going to surround sex, drugs, and all the happy stuff, and if you don't happen to like it then don't read it kay? do not flame me telling me you don't like it because frankly i do not have the time to waste on you kay? it's simple no like, no read. :) Uhm...the story is going to be set in Serena's POV. Why you might ask? Because it's easier and so much more fun that's why! The 2 dudes who saved her will be explained and revealed in upcoming chapters so if you ask me who they are I'm not going to tell you my lovely amigooooos. It's a surprise! But I'll let you in on a little secret...the setting is in New York.**

**Let's see...what else? Ouuu..if you may have noticed that this so called Marshall character is not in the series. Good eye..but alas..he's my own especially special character! Tadaaah..although he'll be making appearences in and out of the story..possibly..if I remember him. He doesn't really play a big part. And if you haven't figured out who these 'Dime' and 'Saph' characters are well...you'll just have to stay tuned and wait for the next chapter;)**

**So yes...I haven't written anything in a while...well I have, but I wasn't gettin' any lovin' which got be all weepy and what's it's so out of heartbreak I removed it from the good ol' shelf of happy dreams. But anywhooooooo if you show me some lovin' I'll be your best friend...i'm kidding but, leave me something special and it'll motivate me to work faster xD**

**And for those of you who have completely ignored this notice...that's all you pal.**

**Trah-la-la**

**xox,**

**Sasha a.k.a D-DF**


	2. Chapter II

_**R**_**ose Colored Glasses**

**Summary: **Dreams and wishes don't come true. Not anymore. Not for her.The world doesn't revolve around fairy tales because we live in a world where money makes it go round. Sex sells and she'd do what she had to even if it meant striking a deal with the devil. A new life. But her hands are soaked with blood and only now will she realize promises are made to be broken**.**

**xxx**

_An-_

_Ahhh omgg yay xD i'm mega excited and pleased a la max that you guy's reviewed. It put a smile on my face to read every one of them. I'm touched! They were all so very sugary sweet and such nice things were said. I'm glad you all liked it and it got me ready to go and do more. So...nothing left to say but to enjoy..so do that._

_**Chapter II**_

x.--.x.--.x

In this meadow.

There are probably millions of flowers, every single one of them showered with brilliant color. I'm captivated by their beauty, and I can't help myself from leaning down and touching these silky soft petals.

My very own garden of Eden.

But I know this is short lived.

I'm dreaming.

Everything is far too surreal to be reality.

I don't care though.

This is the only place that I can be free. Far away in fantasia, I can be whatever I want to be. I can be anything and everything.

Here, I am not punished for impossible hopes.

I throw my hands up into the air and laugh. I laugh to my heart's content because deep in my soul I feel nothing but joy. In this dream there is no such thing as sin. No such thing as hurt.

But something goes wrong.

The lovely blue skies disappear to be replaced with clouds drenched with blackening rage.

All those millions of joyous flowers die. Crumble in on themselves until they shrivel up into nothing and push back into the ground.

My tear drops hit the ground and suddenly irises and lilies are sprouting from the grassy lands.

Virgin white.

Completely clean and untouched.

Something that my reality could never achieve again.

I crouch down, the pink material of my dress pooling around my ankles. They were so tempting to touch.

Would I soil them with a simple brush against my finger tips?

Would I taint them with the likes of me?

Resurrection.

Life.

To die for.

"Fucking whore."

So familiar.

Reacurring.

"Nothing in life is free." At those words I look up and into the still locked eyes of Seiya. Blood cascading down his face. I hear his blood splash onto the grass and petals.

I'm drowning in red.

His lips are pulled back into a cold sneer. "It ends here." Twisted and turned limbs, he charges. The flowers have grown like vines around my ankles keeping me in place.

"It ends here." He shouts at me, spitting up blood.

I'm drowning in red.

"Here-..."

I wake up with a start as I'm being shaken.

"Serena, wake up." Saph's voice reaches my ears as I wipe my hands over my face. "We're here."

I force myself not to cry in front of him.

It seems that even in my dreams, love doesn't make the world go around.

My hand is shaking when I reach for the door handle.

"Serena?" Don't waste your concern on me. I'll only lose it. "You okay?"

Force a smile. "Just a bad dream." Act like nothing went wrong. Like nothing is wrong. Like nothing can go wrong. "Anyway, thanks again,"

I don't wait for him to say anything as I quickly make my way into the building of my apartment. I live in the Dakota. It's supposed to be one of New York's best known apartment buildings. And at the time, Dime wanted nothing but the best for me. For us.

I walk through the entrance haggardly, just wanting to get to my room. To feel the scolding water against my skin, washing away the night's events. The feel of his fingers touching me. The sound of his voice. The way he looked at me. I don't want to feel any of it.

"Good morning, miss Tsukino." I cringe as my journey comes to a sudden halt.

I turn around to face him. A genuinely warm smile is gracing my lips, and I wave. "Good morning Charles. How are you?"

"I'm all right, thank you for asking." His smile slowly drops. "Oh, dear what happened to your face? Is everything okay?"

Fib just a little more.

"Don't worry about it Charles. There was a fight at the club and I just happened to be on someone's bad end. It was just an accident."

He chuckled, shaking his head. "I think you have about the worst luck ."

He had no idea.

Lady luck is just never on my side. I don't think she ever really liked me in the first place.

A forced laugh makes it's way up my throat. "You know me. If I didn't have bad luck, I don't think I'd have any luck at all."

"I don't think that's true. I bet the stars are writing out your fortune as we speak." The blithe sounds of his chortling. "Oh, miss I almost forgot-..."

"I'm sorry Charles, I'm just so exhausted now. Would you mind telling me later?"

He just smiles.

"Bye Charles."

"Good day, miss Tsukino." He tips his hat at me, and continues his post at the door.

I wait patiently for the elevator. As soon as I get inside, I press button number 5 and lean my head against the cool wall

I relish in the coincidental fact that nobody boards the elevator the whole ride to my floor. When I get to my door, I lean on my toes to retrieve the key from the door frame. I put the key in and open the door, depositing it on my kitchen counter. I make my way to my room greatfully. I haven't turned on any lights yet so it remains dim, the only light being the peaking sunshine through my curtains. I toss my jacket onto my floor and begin the task of removing my boots. I put the items on my dresser, and leave my boots a heap on the floor.

It's me.

I look into the mirror at my reflection.

It's me.

This girl. Broken up with a face showered with scratches and bruises. This girl wearing short skirts only coming back home at dawn.

It's me.

I cautiously bring my fingers to my lips and pat them across my bruises cheek, wincing at the soreness.

Pain; a distressing sensation in a particular part of the body, mental or emotional suffering or torment.

It was a dark cloud hanging over my head.

Me.

I was sinking in hurt.

I don't know if I could ever get out of this.

"You got home all right."

I jumped. My dresser rattled, knocking my jewelery box to the floor. I didn't bother picking it up. I gripped the wood of the furniture as I focused my vision. Staring straight into the mirror I saw him sitting across the room in a chair staring back at me. Amused filled eyes.

Always laughing.

"Why so jumpy, Sere?"

"You scared me!" Hand to my heart as I turn to face him. "How long have you been waiting?"

He sat up straightening before abandoning the chair all together. Taking long, confident strides towards me, he said. "Long enough."

I look away, but his callous finger tips are touching the side of my cheek. I wince as he touches the sensitive bruise that graces the side of my face. "Something wrong?" He grabs my jaw, forcing me to face him. "Look at me."

"It's nothing." My voice is meek.

I find myself stuttering.

So afraid.

Hide. Run away. If I could, I would. But it's useless to dream because he would find me. I know he would.

Oh, the lives we live.

"What happened to you?" His voice is soft. Quiet.

And I remember him how he used to be.

I wish we could go back there.

Live in a happier, oblivious past.

But wishes only come true for all the good little boys and girls.

The past.

Once filled with laughter and rushed yet sweet kisses. I should have savored every good moment I shared with him. All those memories. Even under the utter falseness. I'd still go back.

I'd still go back.

I would.

"Nothing." His thumb traces my bottom lip. "A customer just got a little rough that's all."

Cold eyes narrow.

"Nothing happened. He was just expecting something else." I look away from his probing eyes. "I took care of it."

Hurt.

Pain.

This time, with fingers digging into my bruised cheek forcefully. I can feel my eyes burning at the pain. Tears stinging the back of my lids.

Just let me go.

"It's taken care of it." The words come out much louder than I intended.

I just want it to stop.

Open my eyes.

And I'm met with his cold smile.

Change. People always do it. For some people, that's just who they are...like chameleons. You can't stop it. You can never stop it. Even when you think they're as best as they can be. Nobody stays the same forever. Nobody. Not one person. They change on their own. People don't change people. It only appears that they have changed the way you want to see them. Illusions. It's not real. Once they pretend to change for you, you know that they have changed. They aren't the same. Why would they lie?

You don't remember falling in love with a liar.

You don't remember giving your heart to a liar.

But it was a lie.

Everybody lies.

And then there's change.

I feel him press his lips against mine. His mouth moving against mine. I taste mint.

But I don't respond.

He tries to deepen the kiss. His lips slanting over mine, attempting to force his tongue through the barrier my lips have created.

Numb.

That is the only emotion I feel momentarily.

I don't want to move.

I don't want to speak.

I don't want to feel.

I don't want to hear.

The world will keep on spinning.

I break away. "Baby, I'm sorry. I'm just so exhausted. All I want to do is take a shower right now."

I mentally applaud myself at how stable my voice is.

He kisses my neck. "Of course." He gives me a quick peck on the lips, his hand on my hip. "Go take a shower and we'll go out to breakfast."

"But I-..."

"You're hungry aren't you?"

I smile up at him. "Yeah, I am."

"So then? We'll go to breakfast."

"Okay." Defeated. I relent. "Okay."

I wish I could run away. Running away. Running with the wind whipping though my hair, my eyes watering from the wind. Birds chirping a sort of tune to my ears. I'm outside myself. Moving forward toward an unknown destination. The great unknown. I'll keep running away from it all. This world and all it's problems.

Far away. Where no one would know who I was.

Start over.

Fresh.

Clean slate.

But when you hide, you're always found.

Always.

Instead of running I walk over to the shower. I keep turning the hot water knob until it's scolding. Scorching hot.

I want to burn out the memory.

I step into the water and immediately feel the sweltering needle like drops of water sizzling against my skin. I grab a bar of soap sitting on the rack and my wash cloth and scrub until I'm red. I'm coated in this feeling. I lean against my the back of the shower and let the water burn me from the outside.

"Serena!"

And it's over.

x.--.x.--.x

**Yay..so another chapter:) I just wanted to post it already haa. So send me some feedbacks my lovelies:) show me zee love...you know how this things works? You show me love, I show you love. ahh so get on that;)**

**Hope you enjoyed.**

**xox,**

**Sasha a.k.a D-DF**


	3. Chapter III

_**R**_**ose Colored Glasses**

_**Summary: **__Dreams and wishes don't come true. Not anymore. Not for her.The world doesn't revolve around fairy tales because we live in a world where money makes it go round. Sex sells and she'd do what she had to even if it meant striking a deal with the devil. A new life. But her hands are soaked with blood and only now will she realize promises are made to be broken__**.**_**  
xxx**_An-  
Woot thanks for the reviews for the 2nd chapter xD i love to read them, love receiving them ha. I'm glad you liked the last chapter though! Therefore...hope you like this one too;) Enjoy the read yeah?  
_

_**Chapter III**_

x.--.x.--.x

"What is it Diamond?" I call out from the bathroom. I step out of the shower and quickly wrap a towel around myself before going to face him. "What is it?"

"What the hell is this?" He tosses the bills at me. "What is this?"

He's completely livid.

Vicious.

It's all so regular for me that I no longer flinch back.

He always does this.

It's never enough for Diamond because he always wants more.

Always.

His favourite sin was greed and he was rolling in it.

I never would have imagined him as this person he has now become

I used to dream that he was my kinght in shining armor. I used to think that he loved me so much that his heart could burst and that we'd have the happiest ever after together. Forever. But can someone even love that much? Is it possible to have someone fill you up completely with this feeling until you feel it in your fingers tips, your toes, every inch of you?

I don't believe that anymore.

Love at first sight doesn't exist because love is a privelege, a right or advantage available for a particular person or group. You can have this love, but have it taken away or not want it anymore in the next second. Otherwise there wouldn't be cheaters or beaters. If you tell someone you love them that much then why hurt them? Why doubt them, question them? Shouldn't love be enough to go on? Why believe that this person is your everything and when it's finally over, those same words are being spoken to another?

I lose the little bit of hope I thought I had.

I knew that things weren't perfect. There was no such thing. But he was all I had. He was all I could call my own in this world.

I couldn't go back to before.

I wouldn't.

I don't think I have it in me to love anymore. I didn't want Diamond to go and leave me behind so I'll keep him close.

Who wants to be all alone?

"This was all he had on him." Picking up the bills, I put them back on my dresser. "I told you there was a problem."

"What happened?" I watched fascinated as the muscles in the pale skin of his jaw tensed and his green eyes narrowed. Even when upset, he was still beautiful. I wanted to go over and touch his soft pale hair, but stopped myself.

"I told you already-I took care of it."

"No, I want to know what was so damn terrible that you stayed out the whole fucking night and only managed to come back with 20 fucking dollars!" He took a step closer then with wild eyes, searching my face for any traces of betrayal. "Serena, if you don't tell me so help me..."

Bravery.

I never had any of it.

I clutch my towel tighter. Goosebumps rising on my legs and arms as I feel the cool air in the room hit me. "I-I...he just...he tried to touch me that's all. You don't have to worry about it, I already took care of it." I look away as I feel a new onslaught of tears.

There will always be a reminder.

Not so easily forgotten.

It couldn't be.

"What?" He wasn't expecting this.

And it was the moments like these that I had to fight back a smile. No matter how touch he appeared to be or how ferocious his words became I knew there was my old Diamond peeking through. In a sick sense he was my home now. No matter how many times his colours changed, he was a familiar face.

I miss him.

"Just...forget about it. It's fine. I'm okay." I said hurriedly. Walking out of my room and into the kitchen, I pretend to ignore him.

Let's take a day to pretend.

You be me and I'll be you.

I feel him stand behind me, but he doesn't say a word.

There's nothing, but silence for more than 5 minutes I'm sure. That's what it feels like to me.

"Rubeus called me when you were in the shower. I have to go."

"What about breakfast?" My voice is quiet and meek, but I don't face him.

He doesn't bother to answer me. "I'll see you tonight." And it's not a question.

"Diamond..."

"We'll talk then." He kisses my cheek and is out the door before my mind starts working again and I can get a word in.

That was just it. He had good intentions, but I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to think.

Somehow in a matter of hours it just kept coming back.

Tragedy.

I was dressed and waiting for Sapphire to get here by the time the sun fell beyond the clouds and dark blue skies. My blond locks hung in curls down my white dress. I pulled on my leather boots and jacket.

Hearing the shrill ring of my apartment, I got up. "Yes?"

"Hello Ms. Tsukino."

"Hi Charles how are you?" My tone was light as I answered.

I wanted to close my eyes and dream nice dreams, but even now that evaded me.

There was nowhere to turn to.

"I'm fine thank you for asking miss. The reason for my call was because there is a...Mr. Sapphire waiting for you in the lobby."

"Okay, great." I smile into the phone. "I've been expecting him. Can you tell him I'll be down in a minute?"

"Yes, of course." He hung up the phone and I made my way out of my apartment. By the time I got downstairs and made my hellos and goodbyes we were driving in the direction of the club.

"How are you feeling Sere?" I felt him spare a glance in my direction.

Feelings.

I was experiences all sorts tonight, but I didn't bother to tell him that.

Because I'm certain that I don't have all those good feelings I used to.

Eventually they fade away.

I'm left with nothing.

Maybe one day I'll fade away too.

Exactly how everything else in my life has.

And maybe it's already begun.

"I'm alright. Kind of tired." I flip down the visor and open the mirror to make sure none of the bruises are visible. "It's good to finally get out." And it was. I didn't necessarily like the club, but it was a place I could co-exist with all the other screw ups and fucked up people without a stage light beaming down on me.

I could get lost in this.

I flipped the mirror back up and smiled at Sapphire. "How are you Saph? I feel like we haven't talked in a while."

My only friend.

I won't burden him with half the things I hold over my head.

I won't.

"That's because we haven't." He laughs. I love his laugh. I love to see him happy.

Envy.

I hate feeling this way towards him.

"What's been going on with you lately?"

"Just business." He sighs. "It is good to finally get out and relax. What's up with you?"

"You know...the usual." I stare out the window as we arrive in the area. Sapphire drives around until we find a parking space.

We step out into the night and his phone rings.

"Yeah?" He answers nonchalantly.

I walk ahead so to give him some privacy, and wrap my arms around myself. As I finally stand in front of the entrance, I stare up at the bright pink neon lights.

The bouncer immediately unhooks the velvet rope and opens the door for me.

I would have considered this a gentlemanly act if I hadn't felt his hungry lust filled gaze on me.

I ignore him as I continue toward the second door. Sapphire emerges behind me and pushes the door open and we're suddenly ambushed with the blaring sound of music and the sight of grinding rythmic dancers on the floor. He shuts his phone and grabs my hand, leading me toward the VIP lounge where everyone else will be.

"It's about time you two got here!" Prizma shouts at us before she gulps down the contents of her drink.

"Better late than never." Sapphire laughs before going over to bump fists with Diamond, then taking a seat anywhere.

I stayed rooted to my place by the curtain and look around the room.

We have so many faces.

So many.

Could you keep up?

Keep track of them all?

We all had secrets.

Always had something to hide.

"Serena." Diamond's voice is low and husky, but I detect it even through all the noise. I walk over and take a seat beside him as he begins to speak.

I don't pay any attention to a word he says.

I want to go out there where all the noise is coming from.

I want to get lost.

And it seems whatever he's saying is over because Rubeus begins to pull a small baggie from his pocket. My eyes are fixated on the white powder.

Just like snow.

Rubeus catches my eye. "You want any Sere? This is some of that pure shit, it'll fuck you up."

I stare at the cocaine now poured out on the table then at Rubeus' face. "No. I think I'm good." I look around at the others drinking or smoking something, and the need to get out is strong. "I think I'm going to get myself a drink." Before I stand, Diamond grips my hand and searches my eyes intently.

"Bertie?"

But Bertie's already bent over the table. Her pale hair falling over her face as she inhales the thin line of snowy powder through the pink straw. Her hair flipped over her shoulder as she sat up. She tilts her head up and closes her eyes. Once she opens them again, she looks back at Diamond. Her expression becoming slowly dazed. "Huh?"

"You wanted to go dance earlier." It's not a question.

"Oh yeah." She sits still for a moment. "Yeah!" Her beautiful face breaks out into a smile. "Dance with me." She moves around the room like a fairy twirling and dancing around us all.

"Take Serena." His eyes hold my gaze only this time amusement is shining in them.

She never liked me. No matter what state she's in, I don't think she ever would.

He knows this.

"Fine." I can already tell that the smile has slipped from her lovely face.

I try to yank my hand from his, but he holds me fast. His lips are hovering over my ear and I feel the trickle of his breathe on my skin. "Be back soon."

Whisper, whisper.

I get up quickly, straightening out my dress, and walk through the curtain, Bertie at my trails.

And we're emerged in the music and the noise again.

I turn to her and shout over it all. "I'm going to get a drink. Do whatever the hell you want."

Before she could get a word in, I'm already making my way towards the bar.

Hatred.

I knew what she felt for me.

But I didn't care.

She was just mad because she thought Diamond has chosen me over her.

Never assume.

Diamond always chose himself.

I sat on a stool at the counter and waited while the bartender carried out his other orders.

"What's your poison?"

I turned toward the voice. "Sorry?"

"What's your poison?" She repeated louder this time. "What are you drinking?"

"I don't know yet."

I stared at her golden hair and the red embers burning from her cigarette. The ashes slowly tumbling onto her gold sequined mini dress as she proceeded to flick them away.

"What are _you_ drinking?" I couldn't help but to ask.

"Who? Me?" She laughed as if it was an inside joke.

And I suddenly had this wish to be her. This golden goddess who looked so free and kind.

This was what I wanted.

For a second time that night, I felt envy crash upon me.

"I'm having an Orgasm." She took a sip from the glass before leaning over the counter and smiling at the bartender pleasantly. "Isn't that right Chad?" She winked playfully. "Another for me, and one for my new friend."

"Anything for the sexy customer." He grinned before getting our drinks ready.

She threw her head back and laughed before turning to me, a smile still playing at her lips. She extended her hand towards me. Squishing her cigarette on the countertop with the other. "I'm Mina by the way."

"Serena." I shook her hand lightly. I looked down the table at everyone else when my eyes drifted toward the dance floor. I felt a tug on one of my curls.

I turned to Mina confusingly.

"Aren't you the cutest thing?" She gazed at me, twirling a lock of my hair as she propped her head up on her fist. "Isn't she the cutest thing you've ever seen Chad?"

The bartender looked up at me and his mouth curved up at the edges. "Just about." He placed two glasses before us. The white liquid drowning the ice at the bottom of the glasses. "Here you are ladies."

"Thank you sweetie." She blew a kiss before taking a sip of the drink.

I held the money out to him, but Mina merely laughed at me. "What?"

"Don't worry about it, it's on me."

"No, I couldn't do that. It's okay."

"You should take the offer. She isn't always this generous."

"Ha ha." She stared at him dryly. "Get your fine ass back to work."

"Will do."

She turned to me and sighed. "I love your dress."

"Thank you."

"And those boots are killer aren't they? I've got a pair at home."

I said nothing, but took a sip of my drink. The liquid instantly rolling down my tongue and hit the back of my throat.

I never did drink much.

"Not for you huh?"

Nothing more was said as I quickly got up from my stool and ran to the bathroom. Not making it into one of the stalls, I emptied the contents of my stomach into the trash can. I felt all the other women in the bathroom look at me with either disgust or worry as I washed my mouth out with water.

I reapplied my make-up and straightened out my clothes.

I was actually having a good time.

Mina seemed to be entertaining enough.

I was enjoying myself so far away from the VIP lounge.

I smiled as I left the bathroom. I was glad I ran into someone like Mina instead of an asshole of guy, sizing me up every chance he got and making crude comments.

That's how it went most of the time.

I was relieved to not have to relive that tonight.

I was close enough to see the spot at the bar where I had last left Mina, but instead there was someone occupying the stool I had been sitting on.

"There she is!" I heard Mina shout over the music and point at me. Her face broke out into a grin as she clapped her hands happily. Like a child. I slowly made my way towards her, and this unknown person. "I was wondering where you ran off to. Serena this is Andrew." She gestured to the man sitting on the stool. "I told him you were sitting there, but he wouldn't listen." Then she smirked, her attention on Andrew. "He isn't as charming as Chad is so please forgive him."

"Charming eh?" He didn't take a moment before leaning over and capturing her lips in his. She giggled against his mouth, muttering something before pushing him away.

I was behind him before he finally decided to turn around.

Somewhere inside of me, I didn't want him to.

Somewhere inside of me, I knew something was about to happen.

Things happen for a reason.

I didn't know if I believed in fate anymore.

I sure as hell didn't know if fate believed in me anymore either.

But either way, whatever was going to happen in the next matter of seconds would either be extremely bad or extremely wonderful.

My 5 seconds in these laughable moments were up.

I could already feel it slipping from me now.

Away.

Away.

Sweet 16.

Things were going to change.

Like it or not.

Unstoppable.

Here it comes.

x.--.x.--.x

**Ahh..yay:) What do you think after a month leave of absence? Any good? I do hope so since I am currently attempting to keep my eyes open long enough to finish this. I've been working on the chapter the last couple of days slowly but surely! Leave me some love and I leave you the next installment to this story. Hoorah. I'll try to update a tad faster this time yes? Happy reading, lovelies.**

**xox,**

**Sasha.**


	4. Chapter IV

_**R**_**ose Colored Glasses**

_**Summary: **__Dreams and wishes don't come true. Not anymore. Not for her.The world doesn't revolve around fairy tales because we live in a world where money makes it go round. Sex sells and she'd do what she had to even if it meant striking a deal with the devil. A new life. But her hands are soaked with blood and only now will she realize promises are made to be broken__**.**_**  
xxx**

_An-  
Soooo yeah...thanks to those of you who took the time to review. I love you all:) Enjoy the read.  
_

_**Chapter IV**_

x.--.x.--.x

He unsuspectingly took my hand in his, kissing the top of my knuckles.

A single bullet made all that red appear.

One shot.

And it seemed irrelevant to him.

"Show off." From over the top of his head I saw Mina roll her eyes playfully before flagging Chad down for another drink. This time she ordered a strawberry daiquiri.

My eyes darted back to his then toward our still joined hands.

I was crumbling from the inside.

Mina laughed as I quickly pulled back from his grasp.

"I have to go." I stumbled backwards slowly, my eyes never leaving his.

"No, stay!" Mina was suddenly up and out of her chair, seating me down in her place. "When I come back I expect you to have a drink in your hand and a smile on your pretty little face."

"Where are you going?"

I don't know why I bothered to ask.

It didn't matter any more anyway.

"I've had one too many Orgasms." She makes a face before hurrying into the crowd leaving with Andrew.

"Hello again." He turned to me then, resting his cheek on his fist as he stared at me. "Get into any little adventures since this morning?"

I suddenly felt so exposed.

Naked on the outside.

I stared down into the remaining contents of Mina's drink, not saying a word.

Was this how forever goes?

Repetetion for every waking moment.

Endlessly.

"We're murderers." I whispered to myself.

"He would have killed you, love." He smiled. The corners of his mouth lifted and the dimples in his cheeks deepened.

He was looking at me as if I wasn't getting the joke.

And I pictured bits of the broken body of a China doll splattered against the brick walls.

I felt sick to my stomach.

And he suddenly laughed as if all this was the funniest thing in the world.

Twisted.

Mangled.

It's a blood bath.

And I didn't want to stand in it any longer.

"Fucked up things happen to fucked up people."

I shudder to think what more could happen to me.

I'm as fucked up as they come, and fucked up things have been happening to me for as long as I knew.

I've died so young.

It didn't take long for a 16 year old girl to burry her morality.

That all I had was my reflection, and that was quickly starting to crack.

I turned which way and that, keeping an eye out for Bertie.

Andrew sighed, taking a sip from Mina's daiquiri. He gagged before putting the sweet drink back down. "That's bloody disgusting." He laughed, but quickly silenced when I said nothing else. "Now I've gone and upset you haven't I?"

I couldn't distinguish Bertie out of all the grinding pile of bodies from my view at the bar.

Impossible.

Callous fingers settled over mine and I jumped, pulling my hand from under his. Standing from my perch on the stool, I turned to him then said. "I...I have to-..."

His eyes searched my face before his lips broke out into a grin. "You're welcome."

"For what?"

"Saving your life of course. You ran off last time before you could thank me." He pouted mockingly. "I hope you know that you've broken my heart, love." He put a hand to his heart dramatically. "Not giving any credit to me as an accomplice- that hurts."

"That's not what I-..."

"It's understandable though isn't it?" He stares down at Mina's drink before grabbing the glass and pouring the contents on the floor. I watched him as he leaned over the bar and grabbed the beer tap aiming it into her glass. He took a sip and smiled at me. I didn't want his smiles. "In your eyes, I gather you see Dar as some sort of hero."

"Hero?" Mina had suddenly appeared standing beside Andrew. "Darien?" Her laughter rang through my ears.

"She can't help how she feels." Mina only raised her brow at me as Andrew gazed at me from over his glass.

"I don't feel anything."

Feeling.

What did I have left to feel?

There was nothing left out there for me.

She was looking at me again taking a sip of her once drink. She swallowed the liquid looking at Andrew with a sour expression. "What the hell did you do to my drink?"

"What needed to be done." He looped his arms around her waist before she could get a word in. "Let's get down to business shall we?"

Mina's eyes darkened as she narrowed them into slits. "Nothing is going to happen."

"You don't know that, love. You have no way of knowing what's going to happen."

"And neither do you! It's just one night Drew, for one night let's just pretend to be someone else at least."

I repeated her words over in my head.

Pretend.

Make belief.

Was it all really that easy?

"We can't do that. You know this Mina." He pulled her back to stare into her eyes. "It's too dangerous. We've been over this...bullocks I can't even remember how many times anymore. You can't keep doing this Mina it's-..."

"Say's who?"

"Now you're just being difficult." He let her go as he ran a hand through his golden strands and sighed. "You knew this was what you were getting into."

"I think I'm beginning to regret it." She wiped her eyes before turning to me with a watery smile. She reached into her purse before pulling out a tube of lipstick and scribbling something down on a napkin. "It's my cell number so don't lose that." She laughed as she wiped another tear away from her cheek yet I couldn't bring myself to ask if she was alright. What good would it have done? She would still feel this way regardless of whatever comforting words I could come up with. How could I even come up with something comforting to say when I couldn't even come up with any for myself? "It was nice meeting you new friend." She looped her arms around my neck and pressed her lips to my cheek. "Don't be a stranger."

I watched as she pointedly ignored Andrew and made her way toward the entrance. She looked like a brightly lit star.

Twinkling.

Shining.

And I wondered if she would shine until their was nothing left just like me.

I was broken out of my trance as Andrew slammed his hand on the table before standing. "This was lovely." He smiled but I knew that he didn't mean it. "We should do this again some time so until then try not to get into any trouble." He winked before following Mina's path out the exit.

Is that how it happened?

When all your secrets were bared for the world to see did we have to force the rest of our emotions just to cover up our sins?

Our humiliation.

Our anger.

Our sorrow.

"Serena!" Suddenly Bertie became so easy to find. "Where the fuck have you been? I've been looking all over for you, you know."

"I've been here the whole night. You obviously weren't looking hard enough."

She usually would have slapped me, but for some reason she held herself back. I wonderd if it had anything to do with Diamond. Then again I didn't really have to wonder did I? It always had something to do with Diamond. She took a deep breath before regarding me with cold eyes. "Let's go back, I'm getting bored."

"You go back. Tell Diamond that I took a cab home."

"I'm not going to lie for you."

"Who said I was lying?"

Her ruby red lips suddenly pulled back into a sneer. "You think you're so much better than us don't you? You think he actually cares about you? That he loves you so much and one day you're going to get married and all that bullshit?"

I said nothing. Apart from me thinking I was better than _anyone_, she was telling a tale of my past dream and hopes. Of things I thought I once knew to be true.

Once upon a time a girl loved a boy...

"...you're nothing but good money. You're a whore and that's all he'll ever see you as."

"Is that what you think?"

She thought she would love this boy forever and they would live happily ever after...

"That's what I know."

I nodded. "So you must be right then." I looked her straight in the eyes. I wasn't in the mood for this. She didn't seem to get it. Not one bit and this made me want to see Diamond through her eyes. See what she saw when she looked at him. Feel the way she felt, but maybe I didn't. Maybe I didn't want to feel that way again even if it was through someone else. I'd tried it once and look where it had gotten me. "But if I'm such a whore I hate to wonder what that would make you. Have you ever wondered how he sees you?"

That fairy tale ending never came.

No happy endings.

For that once upon a time girl it was the end.

And the story was over.

x.--.x.--.x

**Uhm...so I know this was a mega short chapter but I wanted to update . longer chapter next time? Maybe. Anyways...leave me a special something on your way out loves and the posting comes easy;)**

**xox,**

**Sasha**


	5. Hello Sunshines!

**Hey!**

**Happy new year! It's been a while, hasn't it? And this is probably totally unexpected, but for some reason I had an urge to read Harry Potter fanfiction, and I took a little peek at my old stories to reminisce. Ouff. I don't want to let it go to waste because I actually really do love Rose Colored Glasses and the poetry aspect of the story. I know I've said that I would be re-writing it on another writing site, but I never willed myself to do it. SO! I plan on continuing this to the end, yeah? I hope you stay tuned for the next installment of the story, but if you don't because I'm so ridiculously later to produce an update, I get it. But thank you for reading either way.**

**Love,**

**Sasha**


	6. Chapter V

**Chapter V**

x.-.x.-.x

It's only been a few days, but somehow it feels longer.

Away from all the madness, time stood still.

All by myself.

Alone in silence.

The exquisite quiet. I cherished every minute.

No greedy hands reaching out for me from the darkness, no worries about money. No faces, no names.

No lips. No words.

Days without lecherous taunts.

Taunting me.

Promises, I don't want to hear.

I didn't have to worry about anyone's pleasure but my own. I stayed in my pyjamas, slept in late. I watched old movies, ordered in. I fell asleep late in the night without tossing and turning, weaving and running through invisible mazes to get away from my nightmares. I stayed in my apartment, trying not to think.

Trying to shut my brain off so I wouldn't have to think about anything ever again. I wanted to turn to stone.

To be solid, not to move or speak.

Or touch.

At times, I'd giggle to myself in amazement. It all felt so _normal._

For all that time, those days before it came rushing back; life felt normal. I thought I'd forgoten what that meant.

On the fourth day, Diamond called. It felt like icicles were dropping from the sky, my feet were buried deep in the ground. There's nowhere to run to.

He was worried about me being on my own. From now on, I was to work with Bertie and Prizma. The two of them showcased themselves in a couple areas downtown.

He was going to pick me up in a half hour.

I decided against a shower.

Pointless.

Stupid.

No matter what, I wouldn't ever feel clean and I didn't even do as much as the other girls- bending themselves this way and that way. Their screams and moans almost seeming practiced when their John Doe found release between their legs.

They don't mean any of it, but who cares? Whoever they were got what they paid for.

All the world was a stage, wasn't it?

I wasn't like them.

Well, not completely.

Diamond made sure of it.

I feel sorry for them. It's the one thing that I can be thankful for. Like a king and queen have their favorites, their most liked, most loved person.

But this wasn't love.

I used to think that it was, but something happen.

Morphing.

Changing.

It transformed itself into something ugly, something cold. This wasn't love. _Love_. It makes you feel warm, doesn't it? I'm sure I used to feel that way a lifetime ago. The leftover pieces of my heart go out to the memory. It's never coming back. When I'm done with the leftovers, maybe I'll give them to a stranger. They can put the pieces in the fridge and consume them later if they want to.

I'm nothing but a favoured possession.

Diamond's possession.

I wear his fierceness like a collar tight around my neck like a reminder.

Unlike the other girls, he doesn't want me to give myself away to them all, all those John Does.

_Kneel before the king._

In this case I get paid for it.

He thinks it's better this way.

I still give myself up. It's not easy.

It doesn't hurt any less.

It's not sweet. Sweetness is saved for all the good people in the world. There's no more left over for me. Sugar-coated candy smeared over their fingertips, sprinkled on their tongues. Every last one of them lay in their beds with the loveliest of smiles on their faces, they know they deserve the best.

I find a dark lacey dress in my closet and put it on. It's short of course and the way it's designed has the cups hugging my chest. I pull on my boots and make an attempt at makeup, gliding bright pink lipstick across my mouth. Taking my hair out of the braid that I had carelessy weaved, I run my hands through the strands, shaking it out.

All the world is a stage and this- _this_ is my everyday costume.

Keep them looking- entice them.

I grab my jacket before locking up and heading downstairs. I offer Charles a wave and then I'm out the door. Diamond isn't here so I light a cigarette. The smoke clings to my throat, its fingers curling around me lovingly before floating away, off to love someone else. I take another puff and it start all over again.

A car honks. The smoke clears. A window rolls down, Diamond is appears. He nods. "Time to go."

I climb into the passenger seat, letting the cigarette dangle from my bright lips while I buckle up. A piece of ash falls off, fluttering before it lands on my skin. "Shit." When I wipe it away, it leaves a grey streak.

"Since when do you smoke?" he asks.

"I always have." _It makes me feel better._

"Serena's all grown up. Haven't you noticed?" Someone sneers from the backseat. It's Bertie. I hadn't realized she was there.

Diamond leans close. I feel cool lips press against the spot below my ear. "I noticee." he says quietly.

"_Please_," Prizma whines from the backseat. "baby I just need a little something to wake me up."

"No."

"But-"

"You're turning into a fucking junkie." Diamond snarls as he glared at Prizma from the rearview mirror. "Get yourself together. If I catch you with that shit- you're done."

"I _am_ together." she protests. "There's nothing wrong with me."

But Prizma was starting to look gaunt. Her cheekbones look hollow instead of plump and mimicking apples. Her skin was beginning to take on a waxy hue. If she fell, I have no doubt that she'd probably snap in half. Even now, the dress that Diamond had bought for her, ordinarily was like a second skin. Now, it seems to hang off of her as if it's been drenched in water.

"Enough." he says through gritted teeth. "I'm not managing a band of merry-fucking-coke whores, you got that? If you plan on getting involved with that shit, you'll be out on your ass. You can beg like a fucking junkie then." he makes a sharp turn around a corner. I put a hand on the dashboard so I don't slam into the door. "I mean it." he continues. "_You_ work for _me_."

"I know. I'm sorry! I won't do it again. Do you forgive me?"

He doesn't say a word.

The car stops. Prizma gets out first.

"Bertie," he calls out. "Watch her." He had been referring to Prizma. He didn't trust her.

But Bertie wasn't watching her. Her eyes were trained on me. I could feel it, her stare like little pins on the back of my skin. She gets out of the car, slamming the door behind her.

I flick the butt of my cigarette in the car ashtray. "All right." I say. "I'm going."

"Serena, wait." His hand is on my thigh. My heart reaches out to those faded memories.

"Yes?"

His hand glides higher until it's at the elastic of my panties. "Remember," his thumb rubs at my crotch. His other hand tracing my lips, smearing my lipstick. A finger dips under the elastic. "You're mine."

The words leave his lips and the wicked touches stop at once.

I don't say anything. I hop out of the car and don't turn back around when I hear him drive off.

"Don't just stand there," Bertie calls out. She and Prizma are already walking back up the street. "Come one. We gotta go."

I jog over to them. The three of us are walking up the block. Bertie and Prizma are ahead of me, gossiping about one thing or another. We stop near an empty shop space that is for rent and one of those 24/7 convenient stores. Work eventually picks up as the sky darkens over head. I can't see a single star up there. I guess that's one of the downsides of living in the city.

No stars in competition to shine brighter than the rest.

It doesn't take long before the two of them disappear with their respective 'clients'. For me, it feels much too soon.

The car slows to a halt at the curb, the engine still running. An old man with greying, nearly gone hair and yellow stained teeth pops his head out of the window.

I force away my shudder of disgust that threatens to take over me.

It begins.

The_ other_ me.

No, not me- this _thing_ takes over. Every calculating move; the sway of the hips, the phony smiles.

Believe me.

Believe _her._

This girl who plays with fire and burns herself for a living. The girl who walks away from all of it, every part of her charred to a crisp until she's holding on by the hinges.

Please, believe her even though I don't want you to.

"Hey baby," he shouts from the car. "You looking for a good time?"

I plaster a smirk on my face. I walk over, slow strides.

_Entice them._

I say. "Only if you are."

An hour later, I'm dropped off back in front of the convenient store. I stumble out of the car when he grabs my ass, but I've got sixty dollars fresh in my pocket. He drives away.

There goes another part of myself; chipped and chiseled. I want to float away and never come back down.

Dashing into the 24/7 store, I buy a cheap bottle of vodka. Just enough for me. I thank the cashier and step back outside. I take my jacket off to sit on before lighting a smoke, clutching the bottle beside me. With a shakey hand, I unscrew the top, taking a big gulp. I'm rewarded with the bitter taste claiming the pit of my stomach as its new home. I've never liked the taste of alcohol. My insides roll the welcome mat back up, gurgling in protest, but it's better this way. This is always better.

I take a drag, surrounding myself in a cacoon of smoke. When it clears, I see him.

I never thought that I'd see him again.

Is he real?

I'm not sure that I even _wanted_ to see him again.

I find myself struggling to stand on my feet anyway. I teeter for a second before tossing the cigarette, bottle still in hand. I watch him lean over the passenger side of a car, saying something that I can't hear. He laughs loudly. The sound shocks me. He didn't look like he did it often. He slams the door, walking off. The black car pulls away from the curb, blending back into the streets with everything else in it.

"_Hey_!" My mind doesn't belong to me anymore. My feet are still moving, wobbling slightly in my boots. My body doesn't belong to me either even if it hasn't for a long time.

He turns around, raising an eyebrow but stops. "What do you want?"

I don't know.

Does anybody know?

I hadn't actually planned to say a word. I just_ saw_ him. He appeared out of nowhere like a mirage and I went to him like a moth to a flame. Yet looking at him now, all I can think of is blood.

Beautifully bloodied mangled pieces.

"Do you remember me?" I ask.

He shoves his hands in his pockets. "Yes, I remember you." His eyes take in the bottle of vodka in my hand. "Happy hour?"

"You could say that."

"Aren't you a little young?"

"How old do you think I am?"

He shrugs. Black hair falls into his eyes. He doesn't bother to smooth it away. He looks dangerous as he answers, "I don't care how old you are."

I take a chug of the vile drink. "Then why did you ask?"

"There's just something disturbing about seeing a toddler sipping on vodka instead of milk and cookies."

This was a mistake.

I wanted to turn away.

I don't.

Can't.

"What are you doing here?" he asks.

Bile rises up in my throat like a tidal wave.

"I-" The words wiggle their way out before I have the chance to pull them back and hide them forever. "I'm working."

He stares. His eyes never leaving my face. It feels like he can see everything inside me.

As if he knows it all.

"Everyone's got to make a living."

The tidal wave washes over me and all the unsaid words pour out. I throw up all over the sidewalk, my tears dripping together into the grossness. He reaches over and pushes my hair out of the way while he takes the bottle from me. Humiliated, I push him away, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.

He laughs again. An amused smirk lights up his whole face as he says, "You should have stuck with the milk and cookies."

I should have.

I wish I did.

I don't tell him this.

I turn around, intending to go back to my place on the ground. So far all I've got is fifty-two bucks now. It's not enough.

It's never enough.

I make a move to sit back down on my jacket but everything spins. It all blurs together before tearing apart again, like everything else in the world. He puts a hand on my shoulder, steadying me. I look up at him. "Easy kid," he says.

"_Serena_."

He blinks.

"I mean- I wanted to say thank you...for before." Blood. Red. Maybe if I didn't voice it out loud, the thoughts would disappear. "You didn't have to do that. So thank for saving me."

I don't know why, maybe because he doesn't seem so dangerous or maybe it's because I don't feel like I usually do.

I don't know anything.

I gaze up at him, into the strangest pair of violet eyes I've ever seen. I rest a hand against a stubbly cheek. "Thank you."

He doesn't push me away like I thought he would. He gazes down at me, not saying a word. The hand on his face falls back to my side feeling itchy and we just stand together.

"I've got a bad feeling about you." His own bigger hands snag onto my wrist.

"You don't even know me."

But it wouldn't take that long to figure it all out. Maybe he knew that.

Maybe.

He looms closer. When I step back, he tugs me forward. I attempt to yank my arm free when soft lips press against the corner of my mouth.

"Time _is _money." he states. He steps back, folding a wad of cash into my shackled hand. "Go home kid."

I'm too dumbstruck to move. "Why did you do that? Why are you helping me Darien?" I remember Mina saying his name. It feels strange coming from me, lie I'm pronouncing it wrong.

His eyes narrow, taking in the area around us. Everything from the buildings to the people. The streets look like they're rotting from the inside.

He says, "You obviously can't help yourself."

"Go to hell." The sour words are on the tip of my tongue, but I don't say them. I want to throw his pity back at him, watch it crumble around him, at his feet.

I don't do that either.

I clench the money in my fists. I opt for glaring. "Get out of here." I tell him.

It's pointless. He's already walking away to where he needs to be. I watch him disappear inside a building down the street.

I pull my jacket back on . Before shoving it in my pocket, I open my hands to flip through all the twenty dollar bills. There's two hundred dollars here.

I should be glad.

It's nearly three in the morning when I meet up with Prizma.

"Ready to go?" she asks absently as she counts her pay.

"Yes." I'm about to pull out my cell to call someone to get us when a thought hits me. "Where's Bertie?" The question leaves me lightheaded.

Prizma looks up, shoving the roll of money under the strap of her bra. "Bertie?" she shrugs. "Wouldn't know. That little bitch took off hours ago. Probably trying to make some extra cash on the side; Diamond'll kill her for sure."

I listen to Prizma's story. Apparently she forgot to ask for the money upfront, and one of her John Doe's had refused to pay her. I listen when she tells me that she pulled out her knife and held it to his balls before he finally caved, tip _included_.

Only part of me is listening.

The cab pulls up in front of my apartment. I toss him my half of the fare, with a quick 'thank you'. "Bye Priz."

"Night."

There's no one at the front desk or waiting at the elevator. It goes all the way to my floor without stopping. I unlock my door, but as soon as I step inside, the light flicks on. Hands are wrapping themselves around my throat, pushing me up against the door.

"_Where the fuck have you been_?"

"Where do you think I've been?" I wheeze.

Stupid, stupid girl.

Diamond's hand cracks me across the face. "Don't lie to me."

"I'm not lying." I can't get the money out fast enough. "See?"

He pitches the money to the floor where it scatters in an odd shape. "Bertie saw you. What were you doing?"

She ran all the way back here to tell him. She was waiting for me to do something stupid so she could run back here and tell him things. She thinks he'll love her now.

Silly.

"I didn't do anyt-" I don't get to finish. He grabs my hair and slams my head against the hardwood this time. I see stars.

"Don't fucking lie to me!"

"I'm not...I..." I stumble over my words. They won't make sense.

"You _kissed _him." he backs away from me and I slide to the floor. "You fucking whore. What else have you done behind my back?"

"Please," I put a hand to my head. "Diamond, stop."

He laughs even though nothing's funny. "You don't even deny it." he rears up, kicking me in the stomach.

My breath disappears. Tears streaming down my face, I try to crawl away from him.

"What else have you done Serena? Tell me the truth." his voice is soft, but I know better. Deadly.

I gasp. "Nothing! I didn't...I didn't-" Another kick.

I don't move after that.

He crouches in front of me, cradling my jaw in his hand. "Why didn't you listen to me?" He smashes his mouth against mine. I don't move as he claims my mouth possessively, biting down instead of nibbling. When he lets go, I try to spit at him. He slaps me across the cheek, though it feels more like a punch. My face feels like it's on fire. My nose is bleeding.

"You fucked him, didn't you?"

I shake my head, forcing myself to my feet. "I didn't do anything." It's almost a miracle when Diamond lets me put distance between us.

"I almost didn't believer her," he says pacig my living room. I stand behind my sofa. "But then I thought 'Why wouldn't she?'. You always seem to be doing something that you're not supposed to."

"I did nothing."

"You did _everything._ Don't you remember what you've done?"

My blood splatters on the floor.

I ran away from home to be with a boy- a _man _that I loved. I put myself through all of this because I thought that I loved him. I've got _nothing_ left because I thought I was doing it all for _love_.

Love hates me.

Ironic, isn't it?

"You were mine Serena, and you fucked everything up." Clenching, unclenching his fists. Seething. His eyes lit up with fury and destructiveness. "Don't you fucking lie to me."

"Okay." I wipre my face with my hands. I feel like a canvas painted with blood.

I try something new.

"Okay," I repeat. "he kissed me."

Deep down I knew I couldn't win.

Diamond moved fast. A lamp sails through the air, shattering when it hits the wall. I jump out of the way. Try to make it back to the door.

Stupid.

I couldn't win.

After the first few punches, my body goes numb and I don't try to fight back.

Maybe I'll die here.

Sooner or later, he stops to kick my coffee table over. "_Fuck_!"

I don't move.

I lay on my side, keeping my eyes closed. Just like playing dead. Practice makes perfect.

"Serena." he says. I hate it. "I'm leaving." He says it so casually, as if he'd just stopped by for a cup of coffee.

I don't open my eyes.

"Get yourself cleaned up okay?" My front door slams closed after he lays a quick kiss on my forehead.

I don't know how long I lay there for.

I wince when I finally manage to get up. I crawl the rest of the way to my room, collapsing at the side of my bed. An old napkin rests on my end table. I pick it up and carefully pull my phone from my pocket. I'm surprised it isn't smashed.

A tear slips away and I let it fall.

I'm broken and I need fixing.

My cell lights up the dark room. The digits 5;15AM take up a corner of the screen.

Slowly, I dial the numbers. It rings for so long that I'm about to hang up. But somebody answers.

"_Hello_?" It's a man's voice. It must be Andrew.

I stifle a sob. "Is...is Mina there?"

There's a scuffling noise, whispers. Then I hear her. Groggy and disoriented. "_Huh_?"

What am I supposed to say?

"_Hello_?"

Why did I call her? Of all people?

Obviously annoyed, she sighs. "_Okay. I'm hanging up now_."

Something deep down tells me that I don't have anyone else to turn to.

"Mina?" I say just before she carries out exactly what she'd said she'd do. My voice is quiet.

"_Who is this and why are you calling me before the crack of dawn? If you're one of those telemarketers, I swear to God_..."

"No, it's- do you remember me?"

That seems to be the theme today.

"_I'm not good with voices. Try again._"

"We met at the club a few nights ago. You told me," I take a deep breath. Everything hurts. "not to be a stranger. It's Serena?"

"_Oh."_ Everything changes. "_I know you!" _she yawns. "_I don't mean to sound like a bitch sweetie, but-_"

"I know." My eyes begin to water. It stings a little before I start crying completely. I can't stop. I can't stop anything. "I wouldn't normally do this. I just...I need help."

"What's wrong?"

"I didn't know who else to call."

She snaps something, away from the receiver. Mina seems fully awake now. "What happened sweetie? Where are you?"

I give her the address. She tells me that she'll be here soon.

My phone slips from my hand and clatters to the floor.

I rest my head on the edge of the bed, staring up at the ceiling.

Tears, blood, bruises and pain.

Broken hearts, broken soul, broken everything.

I just wanted to float away and disappear.

Far, far away.

I just wanted...

Quiet.

_x.-.x.-.x_

**Whoa, whoa, whoa. It's about damn time isn't it? I consider this chapter a little bit dark, a little bit sexual, but I'm sure that was obvious. How did you like it? I tried to write as much as I could, also to make up for...my absense, but I thought it was good to leave it here. So far the story might seem a bit depressing, but trust me- it'll get happy soon. Hm...I don't really have much to say other than I hope you enjoyed it. I was thinking of making a soundtrack to the story- a song for every chapter. Music that I think goes good with the theme, especially lyrics. I've already got a few that I think would be great, but it's totally up to you guys. Let me know! **

**Thank you for sticking by faithfully, and tuning in. I don't think I would if I was you. You're all total sweethearts;] This chapter is dedicated to you so give yourself a pat on the backs. If you have any questions about the story so far, PM me and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.**

**Love, **

**Sasha**


	7. Chapter VI

**Chapter VI**

x.-.x.-.x

Open my eyes.

Wide.

Wider.

I see him; warm. Glowing.

I see him beautiful, wrapped head to every toe in love.

I see him reach out for me. Desperation. He doesn't want me to let him go.

Every day was enchanting.

Every second.

"Stay away from him, he's no good for you. I forbid you to ever see him again. He _will_ hurt you."

I see them tell me, warning me. I took it for granted then. Unconditional love given to me, tied up in shiny foily paper, topped with a bow and handed to me on a gold platter.

I had it. I had it all and I threw it all away.

Because I thought he loved me more. They couldn't have seen how much he loved me, how much he cared or how magical it seemed. They were jealous. They wanted to take him away from me, leave me loveless.

I see hurt.

I see words that I regret now.

I see broken love.

They didn't understand. No one could.

So I left for something I thought was real.

Blinded.

Or maybe I was just greedy.

I thought it was real, that I'd found it. We were finally together.

Thorned vines entwined like roses wilting.

And this, this that I'd become.

Her.

She.

_This_.

I can't blame it on anyone else, but me.

He'd asked me a question once. He'd been acting weird lately. Blunt. Distant. The light in his eyes was dimming, but just a little bit. Almost as if I couldn't notice that it wasn't there in the first place. He'd asked me a question once.

"Do you love me?"

I see myself, brighter. I tell him that I do, with all my heart.

He begs me to because we don't have anything. Not everything we want.

I didn't think.

I see myself believing that it'll be okay.

I'll do it. I tell him I will.

The thorns prick, drawing blood. Vines tighten like coiling snakes. Roses brown, petals falling to floor. There's nothing left to raise them back up.

The brightness was extinguished.

The love disappeared inch by inch.

Until only a spec was left.

I see broken love.

I see so much that eventually I can't see at all.

I'm swallowed by the dim light, until my whole wide world darkens completely.

I can't see much of anything now.

My front door creaks.

I force my eyes open. A kaleidoscope of red while white spots dance in front of me, dying to be seen.

"Serena?" A voice ask quietly from somewhere. I hear feet creeping through my apartment.

So quietly as if they were to make any loud noises the floor would fall out from underneath them and the walls would wake up and tell them things that they don't really want to hear.

The bottomes of feet crunch broken glass.

"I'm," I take a deep breath, slowly pulling myself up to sit on the bed. Everything hurts. I clear my throat when I feel that familiar twinge in my nose. My eyes burning with disaster and unshed tears. "I'm here."

Mina appears in the doorway. Her hair is piled on top of her head and she's wearing sweats and sneakers. She gasps when her eyes land on me. "Oh sweetie..." she rushes over, but isn't sure what to do. I can tell. She sits on the bed next to me, taking my hand in hers. She brushes my hair away, carefully wiping a tear from my cheek. She sniffles and I can tell that she's crying too. "Are you okay?"

I can't help when laughter bubbles up like foam. It turns into a sob.

Mina wraps an arm around my shoulder. "Stupid question." she says quietly.

"What happened?"

Startled, I look up. Andrew's leaning in the doorway. "Who did this to you?" he asks.

It all got out of control. I couldn't stop it, but I couldn't go. I stayed because he became all that I knew.

I don't want to know anymore now.

I want to be emptier than I am. But no words come out. I don't know what to say.

"I'm sorry." I blurt out. Was this a good idea? Calling her? Them?

Mina shakes her head. "You have _nothing _to be sorry for. We don't have to talk about this if you don't want to." she sends a glare Andrew's way. "We're getting out of her. You're staying with me."

"No, I-"

"Don't bother trying to get out of it." Andrew smiles from the door.

"He's right. We're friends now aren't we? Friends take care of each other."

"Okay."

She beams, wiping her own tears away. "Okay," she repeats. "Can you stand?"

I get to my feet, stumbling from the pain in my ribs. Andrew steps forward, gripping my arm gently.

"Easy, I've got you."

I don't look up at him when I say thank you.

"I'll pack up some of your things and then we can go."

"Come on," he steers me out of the room and into the kitchen.

I lean my back against the counter. It cools my skin through the torn lace of my dress. He leans up against the fridge, arms crossed in front of his chest. I can tell he's eyeing the damage of my living room; of the lamp lying in pieces near the sofa. Of the droplets of blood randomly dotting the floor in perfect circles like unwanted blemishes on soft skin.

That's all he sees. All he will see.

It's been going over and over again in my mind even though it's just happened. I've become the person that this has happened to.

You'll see her on the news and you'll feel a rush of sympathy for her. The _victim_. You'll feel pity and you'll shake your head accordingly. It's a terrible thing, and when you hear about these terrible things, you always remind yourself that you're lucky to not be in that situation. You never think you'll be that girl.

It's been playing over and over again behind my eyes like a movie.

But I'm not that girl.

I left everything I knew to become this _thing_. I knew. Diamond wasn't ever going to be the same; whatever it was that I had made him out to be. I knew.

And I still stayed.

I don't need pity or anyone's sympathy because I've got enough for myself to blanket the world.

Andrew will see broken glass and blood stains, a broken, troubled girl.

I see the past few years of my life. No rainbows or butterflies in sight. Just occasional adoration and painful drips.

Demands.

It will consume me entirely. I think it already has.

"Do you want to tell me what happened then?" His crisp British accent knocks me out of my thoughts.

I open my mouth. No words claim the space between us. I close it again.

"Almost done!" Mina calls out from my room.

He tilts his head, a thoughtful expression taking over his face before he moves toward the sink. He runs a dish towel under the tap. After ringing it out, he steps toward me. I step back.

He frowns. "I'm not going to hurt you."

I shrug even though I feel a little stupid for even thinking it. "What's that for?"

"The blood." I think I look alarmed because he hands me the towel. "You've got a bit of blood on your face."

I press the damp cloth to a cut on my cheek. "Thanks."

"Okay!" Mina exclaims, dragging a duffle bag that I vaguely remember keeping in my closet for dirty laundry. "Everybody ready to go?

Andrew rolls his eyes, going over to her to grab my bag. The sadness is gone from them, not completely. The two of them aren't falling over themselves to hold my hand and tell me everything is going to be okay. They're not drowning me in apologies and I'm glad for this.

"Hold on." A voice says so quietly. It takes me a minute to figure out that it's my own. "I'll...I'll only be a minute."

She smiles. "We'll be here. Take your time."

I close the bathroom door behind me. I don't want to look in the mirror, but I don't really have a choice. I set about taking my clothes off. I kick off my boots, attempting to pull the dress over my head. It hurts like hell, but I manage.

I turn to my reflection. I expect tears to well up in my eyes. To sob and scream, but I think I'm fresh out for the day.

I stare at myself standing in my bra and underwear. Somehow, blood's dripped down both to dry on my thigh. I don't know where it's from. For a minute though, I'm fascinated. Stilled. There's a large, nearly black bruise running from my hip to almost across my stomach. Other little bruises pepper my arms and legs. My bottom lip is cut with dried blood clinging to my nostrils and top lip. I've got the making of a black eye too. With the cut on my cheek, my hands gently coast over my face, pushing my hair behind my ears. I poke the bruises on my stomach and wince.

I look terrible, but I can't look away.

For once the girl in the mirror and I are finally the same.

I turn the water on warm and wash my face. I don't care if it burns. I try my best not to scrub too hard at the dried blood, and I brush my teeth afterwards. In my medicine cabinet, I take out a pack of bandaids and lay one over my cheek. I weave my hair back into a braid. My arms ache.

Carefully, carefully so I don't move too fast, I peel my bloody bra and underwear off, wondering if Mina had bothered to pack _everything_ or if she was waiting for me to choose what I wanted to bring.

But I won't ask.

The pile of clothes that I left on the tiled floor yesterday is exactly where I left it. I pull them on, careful. Slowly. I'm out of breath when I get the tshirt over my head.

I open the door and Mina is sitting on the couch, her brows knitted together. A frown pulls at her lips. Andrew is standing next to her, looking down at her, the duffle at his feet. Their conversation stops when I step into the room. I don't want to know what they were talking about. I shouldn't have called.

"Listen," I say." let's just forget-"

"All set?" Mina cuts me off. She leads the way. Andrew grabs the bag up off the floor with ease. I stand still, not knowing what to do.

He turns back to me, a toothy grin lighting up his face. "You're stuck with us now."

Somehow, _somewhere_ deep inside me, the thought doesn't seem so bad.

I don't bother locking the doors. What's the point? I could ask myself why a million times, but the answer is crystal.

I can't be _her_ anymore.

I don't want anyone to see.

I want her to disappear so I can catch my first breath. I want to be left alone.

We make it to the elevator. The ride down, Mina chatters about sleeping arrangements and a friend of hers. Andrew cuts in every now and then. It's like I'm seeing everything outside of myself, like I'm on autopilot. I don't say anything.

The elevator stops on the ground floor. I follow the pair of them across the lobby. Many of the people bustle around, probably in a rush to get to work. I recognize some of them who live in the building. Some of them give me curious glances, their eyebrows shoot up to their hairlines. They want to know what the hell happened to me, but they don't know me well enough to ask.

"Miss Tsukino?"

It's Charles. As we walk closer to the doors, I see him stand from his seat at his desk. His old eyes are swimming with concern, worry.

"I'm okay." I blurt out.

The wrinkles around his lips deepen when it pulls into a straight line. "You don't look it. What's happened to you? Should I call the police?"

"Don't worry." I smile. "I've already called them. I'm on my way to see them right now." It's not the truth, but this sweet man doesn't deserve what I have to say.

He takes hold my hand, gently cradling it between his own. "Who did this to you?"

The mere question scrambles my mind.

Who?

Well, it was me all along.

I don't say anything. He knows. I'm sure he knows. Maybe I'm wrong though, just like I've been with everything else.

_Smile, and the whole world smiles with you._

Or they pretend to. To hide their sneers and broken souls and selves. To hide.

I smile.

"I'm going away Charles. I won't be coming back here."

Realization seems to settle in. He nods. I can see his eyes glaze over. "Where will you go? You can stay with us if you need to." His wife Edith always liked me. I think she brought me cookies once.

"She'll be staying with us." Mina states with a wave.

Charles looks over at them as if only just noticing. "You take good care of her!" he tells Andrew.

"Of course we will. Scouts honor." he says, followed by an 'ouff' when Mina wacks him in the stomach.

"I'll be fine Charles."

He immediately pulls me into a hug. I bite my lip at the pain. I wrap my arms around him, almost tentatively, patting him on the back.

"You take care of yourself miss."

"I will Charles. You too." I want to say something like 'Have a nice life' or 'It was nice knowing you'. Something sentimental at a time like this, but both things sound so extreme. So final.

I give him one last smile before walking out the door and into the backseat of Andrew or Mina's car. My duffle goes in the trunk.

"So," Mina begins once we set off to I don't know where. The radio plays some sad love song as background noise, playing softly, almost whispering. Almost tantalizing.

I don't want to hear anymore.

As if sensing my thoughts, Drew flicks the dial and it goes quiet.

"Hey, I liked that song!"

"I'm concentrating on my driving skills."

She grumbles something. Twisting in her seat, she gives me a look.

"So," she starts over. "I've got a friend who works at the hospital. Maybe she can take a look at you and..."

"No," I say. "No hospitals or police or-"

"Okay."

"I'm sorry." I say it, but I don't know why.

She laughs, the sound filling up the car. "Don't be sorry. It was just a suggestion. It's cool."

The back of my neck heats up. I can't decide if it's from the embarassement or the hot pain I feel. I don't think it matters anyway. "Sorry."

Her eyes twinkle mischievously at me from the rearview mirror. "You're going to have to get used to the no apologizing rule."

I bite down on my bottom lip, tonguing the copper taste of my blood. It burns, but I do it anyway. I can't help it. "Sorry."

Andrew casts me a quick look from the driver's side.

My hands find themselves wringing together, caught in lonesome thumbwars.

"Stop." She says firmly. She twists around to look at me again, her face the most serious I've ever seen it. She shakes her head at me. "Don't ever apologize. Not to anyone. You live your life how _you_ want and say what you feel. Just go for it, you know? Once you start regretting things, you'll just keep going over all the mistakes you've made. It'll make you crazy for nothing." she turns back around. I can still see the messy bun piled up on top of her head.

I nod even though she can't see me.

I'm not what I pretend to be.

I don't want to be.

x.-.x.-.x

**Alright! Chapter complete. Whadja think? It's not really much of anything, more of a filler really, it'll be a lot more chipper-ish and the ever fanciful Darien filled. I've had the next chapter floating around in my head the whole time I've been writing this one, so I just want to get it out of the way. Also no one's answered me about the soundtrack idea. Fail. I love you all anyway. I loved the reviews, if I didn't reply to you just know that I totally appreciate it and love all you little darlings:]**

**Love,**

**Sasha**


	8. Chapter VII

_AN-_

_You're all disgustingly lovely and I applaud your patience. I know, I'm the worst! I would've posted something ages ago, but loads of things have been going on. I won't bore you with the details. But I love you all and I appreciate you sticking around. (If you haven't, then that sucks...) but if you have, I would very much like to dedicate this chapter to all my readers and random reviewers. Finally right? Ha! Enjoy._

x.-.x.-.x

**Chapter VII**

Everything was supposed to be structured. Perfect almost.

You are the architect to your own life; you planned it out, and it was all supposed to go the way you'd dreamed of. Look the way you wanted it to, feel the way you wanted.

At the time, you hadn't been acquianted with that saying that life doesn't always go as planned.

Part of me knows that nothing will ever be the same again. Unhidden. All my scars show on the outside now- for all the world to see. Nothing seems to register with the other part of me, except the tangerine colored walls. I've been staring at them all morning. I lay in Mina's guestroom.

How did I do this?

How could it be so easy to become nothing and stay nothing at all?

I saw it.

Seeing eyes. Talking eyes. Smiling eyes. Laughing eyes. Angry eyes. Wandering eyes. Moving eyes. Moving eyes can't help it, can't seem to stop keeping up with every second of time. They've watched the good times with a sparkle in the left eye, a twinkle even. Until the bad times roll around. Moving eyes want to close at that point.

I should've kept them closed and walked away from him. I should've shrugged my shoulders and stayed where I was, surrounded by love and what was real. Instead, I kept them closed and handed my life right over and signed it all away in blood. Dotted all my i's and t's, blindingly.

The door to the guest room creaks open. "Serena?" Mina's voice is quiet, as if she thinks I might be asleep.

I couldn't sleep now. Not when my dreams are just as bad as reality.

It hurts, but I turn over anyway and stare directly into a pair of yellow eyes.

"Oh good, you're awake!" she exclaims. The cat lets out a low sound that is supposed to pass as a meow and continues to stare at me.

Mina giggles, scooping the animal up in her arms. "This is Artemis."

I nod, not really knowing what to say.

Artemis jumps out of her arms and with an annoyed glance her way, strolls of the room with his tail high in the air.

"How are you feeling?"

My throat feels as if it's been lined with sandpaper. "Like I got run over by a truck."

She nods, makes her way over to sit on the corner of the bed and looks at me with such sympathy, such kindness that it makes me want to cry.

If I let them go, if I let the tears fall- I'll drown. And I think I've forgotten how to swim.

"Andrew left," she tells me. "so it's just us." She gets comfortable, sitting cross-legged on that one corner. "I know I said that you don't have to tell us anything, but we're friends and I want to help as much as I can."

I let out a wheezy breath, struggling to sit up on my own. "You've already done so much."

"Anybody would've."

"No," I shake my head. "not anybody."

She shrugs. "You called so we came. I don't want you to think that I don't want you here, because besides the circumstances this is fucking awesome, right? We're roommates!" she smiles to herself and I can't help but smile a little bit too at her enthusiasm. Silver lining. But she changes her mind, her smile dips and she's looking at me with wide, worried eyes. "But...don't you have any family? Any relatives that you might want to call?"

"No." Before I can stop it, a tear rolls down my cheek and then another and then another.

Mina jumps up, waving her arms. "No! _Please_ don't cry. If you keep crying, I'll start to cry and this will turn into one giant sob fest."

"It was all a mistake," I tell her. I wipe my face carefully.

"What was sweets?"

I stare at my lap, wringing my hands together. "Thinking that I had it all."

"If it's too painful, you don't have to tell me. If-"

"I want to."

Just as I'm about to rehash every mistake I've ever made, as if summoned by some unknown force, _he_ shows up. Just like that. Just like always.

I want to hide, but it's far too late for that.

Mina shoots me an apologetic look before getting to her feet. She stands, hands on her hips and glares. "Hey idiot, ever heard of knocking? It does wonders."

"The door was unlocked," he glares right back at her. A thousand words spoken in a mere tilt of the eyes. "so I let myself in."

"I already know what you're going to say and I don't want to hear it. And for the record- just because a door is not locked, it doesn't give you an invitation to barge into someone's house like you own the place." she rolls her eyes. "As you can see, I have company. You can let yourself out."

Those blue eyes look my way and somehow, beyond the scratches and the bruises, he recognizes me.

"Trouble?"

A bubble of anger seeps out through the wetness on my face. "You're the trouble!" I clench my fists. My nails dig into my palms. "It wasn't good. I knew that. I _know_ that," I correct myself.

"You two know each other?" Mina asks.

"We're acquianted." he tells her, but doesn't take his eyes off me. "I always seem to be saving her ass. What's it been princess, twice so far?"

My nails dig deeper. "Is that what you call this? _Saving_ me?"

"Well now I'd call this ungrateful. Careful now, you might hurt my feelings."

Mina is looking between the two of us as if it were a tennis match, a wary look on her face.

"Once," I tell him icily. "You helped me once. I didn't ask you for that money. And whatever you're thinking, you didn't save me from anything." And like the petulant teenager that I am, I add, "If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't even be here."

He casts Mina a look. "Has she seen a doctor?" Darien catches the look that she shoots me and shakes his head. "For chrissakes, get Amy on the phone."

Mina looks defeated. I don't know who Amy is and I know she remembers that I told her I don't want to go anywhere near a hospital or a police station. They'd all ask too many questions and I don't have the answers.

"_Now." _he commands.

She wants what's best for me. Not broken bones or souls. She mouths a quick 'sorry' before leaving the room. Not before shooting Darien a dirty look over her shoulder.

"Get up."

"Why do you care?" I ask, suddenly feeling exhausted.

"I don't. I feel sorry for you."

The words sting like a pinch to the skin. "Don't pity me. You don't understand anything."

"I don't need to understand a thing to see what a disaster you are." Leaning against the doorway, he casts me a distain filled glance.

I feel my eyes filling up, but the last thing I want is to cry in front of him. Humiliate myself more than I already have. I attempt to blink the tears away, but it doesn't help anyway. I wipe them away quickly, hoping he hasn't seen even though I know he was. Mina's voice is loud in the background, from the living room maybe. She laughs loudly at what the person on the other end is saying. For a moment I'm thrown off by the difference in atmosphere's. In this room that I am in, that Darien is in- it's thick with tension, hurt and indignation. In the next room, it's carefree. Laughter like bells that makes you want to laugh too. The next room is somewhere you want to be, where you want to smile and not care about a thing.

And it's so close, yet so far away at the same time.

"Get up."

"Please, leave me alone."

"Isn't this what you wanted?" he asks me.

I don't answer. Mina walks in, her smile turning uneasy, unsure when she looks between us.

"Well?"

"She's gone to see Raye. She said that we could meet her if it was really important."

"What's she doing there?"

Mina rolls her eyes. "They _are_ friends Dar."

"I know that. I've been around the four of you long enough to have figured that out."

She laughs. The attention is back on me.

"Help her get ready, will you?"

"Ready?" I ask. "This has got nothing to do with you. Why can't you just leave me alone?"

He tilts his head, that stupid familiar coat of amusement painting his face. "I seem to be the one seeing _you_ everywhere."

"That doesn't make me your responsibility." I tell him firmly. "You don't have to do this."

"I seem to have an irritating compulsion to fix things."

"You're irritating in general." Mina mutters. "What are you doing here anyway? I know you didn't waste the trip on me."

"I'm looking for that British bastard of yours. His cell was off."

"I'm sure he's out associating himself with unseemly seedy little characters somewhere. He'll be home in time for supper."

"Your inner bitch is showing." He comments mildly.

"Thank God for that."

A faint smirk tugs at his lips. He shakes his head before regarding me again, a thoughtful look in his eye. "How long do you need to get ready?"

"I'm not going."

"Honey," Mina says soothingly, taking a seat beside me. I look between the two of them. Two unexpected people that I've come to know, leaving smudges on my life. Offering kindness in different forms. I toss it around having no idea what to do with it. They shouldn't have to do this. I shouldn't be here. But she thinks otherwise as she continues. "I know that you don't want to go to a hospital. And we're not- Amy is a good friend. The best doctor around."

"I can't."

"You can. she pats my foot shooting me, what I think is an encouraging smile. "You have to."

"I don't have to."

"You're a fucking mess." he pushes off from the doorway and shakes his head. "You've got ten minutes. Then I'm leaving."

"Fifteen!" Mina counters.

He leaves the room without a second glance. I wish sometimes that I were that confident in myself. Just walk away and never turn back. Until then I'll always be looking over my shoulder.

"Listen," Mina begins distractedly. "Darien's right. God, it's embarrassing to admit that. Don't tell him I said so, okay?"

"What?" I feel cagey. Panicky.

If words get around, come together, they'll become alive and breathe existence. Spell out where I am. Scrambling anagrams until he finds me.

I ran away.

Left.

Right.

Gone away from a sliced and scarred, impressionably hurting love.

He thinks that he gave me his heart. He'll want it back. I ran away with it, he thinks.

I'll be worse than dead.

But Diamond hasn't realized that his heart died a long time ago.

So I can't.

I want to tell her the words, but they get stuck in my throat.

She sighs. "Do you want to be okay?"

I want a lot of things. Instead I say, "I want to start over."

"Then you need to do this."

I sit for a moment listening to the words repeat themselves over and over in my head. I shove the blanket away. "Okay. Before I change my mind."

She grins.

"You...will you come too?"

"As if you had to ask!" she jumps up from the bed. "Of course I'm coming honey. I told you; it's going to be fairly difficult to get rid of me now so you better get used to it."

Fifteen minutes later, I'm in backseat of a car, hoping that I don't get blood on the white shirt I've changed into along with a pair of jeans and a pair of flats that Mina lent me.

As soon as we get in the car, Mina starts up. "So," she buckles herself in before checking her lipstick in a compact. "what illegal adventures have you and my boyfriend been up to lately?"

"Illegal?"

"Oh please," she snorts. "You've got badass written all over you. Of course _illegal_."

Even I manage a smile.

He notices. His eyes hold mine in the rearview mirror. I look away, suddenly interested in the swarm of colors outside my window.

"Just drop it. It's none of your business."

"Illegal _and_ mysterious."

"How do you two know each other?"

"Me and Serena?" she twists in her seat to wink at me. "We go way back."

"Really."

"If you don't believe me, why did you ask?"

"Curiousity."

I can't stop myself. "Curiousity killed the cat."

"Dar's got nine lives, haven't you noticed?"

"I don't know him that well."

Mina sighs an exhausting sigh. "Lucky you."

"Yeah," he says. His voice dips low. "Lucky you."

Not a moment later, we pull up to something of private property and drive up a long driveway. We stop in front of a large magnificent house.

Even though nerves grab hold of my insides and twist, I can't help asking, "What is this place?"

"My house." Darien replies before getting out of the car.

I unbuckle my seatbelt slowly.

"Gorgeous, isn't it?" When she sees my nod, she adds. "Too bad Raye lives here though."

"You don't seem to fond of him."

Mina guffaws. She slams her passenger door closed. Adjusting her stripped mini dress and sets on smoothing back the flyaways that have from free from her bun piled on top of her head. Her black heeled booties crunch on the ground as we step closer towards the looming house. "_She_." she corrects me. "And I love Raye. She's one of my best friends. It's just...she can be a bitch sometimes."

We walk side by side up the gravelly path.

"I guess she has her reasons though."

Darien climbs the few steps to the house and unlocks the door. We shuffle in behind him.

"Keep calm everyone," Mina declares loudly once we're inside. "I've arrived."

"Still with the dramatics?" A tall woman steps forward to greet us, clutching a water bottle in her hands. She's only wearing a sports bra and a pair of cut off sweat pants. She reminds me that my own body is battered like old fruit. I instantly feel self-conscious.

"Of course."

She tilts her head, making her long brown hair fall across her shoulder. She observes Mini's dress and blazer critically. "Why do you look like you're going to a fashion show?"

"Life is a fashion show my dear." Mina clicks her heels together and grins. "I've been telling you that for years."

"Yeah," she rolls her eyes as if she's used to it and peers past Mina to me, hovering in the open door.

"Get in and close the damn door." Darien snaps.

"God, relax." Reaching around me, Mina slams the door shut herself.

I feel like an outsider, looking in. I shouldn't be here. The nerves, the anxiousness pulls me every which way, pulling tight. I shouldn't be here.

"Where's Raye?"

The woman shrugs. "Kitchen?"

He nods before setting off, leaving us all alone.

"I'm starving." Mina comments. "Did you make anything good?"

The woman rolls her eyes again. She holds her hand out to me. "I'm Lita."

"Oh, sorry! Serena, Lita. Lita this is Serena. She's my new roommate."

Lita regards me with an eye of interest. I shakes her hand. I know my handshake is weak. Does that say much about me? First impressions and all.

"That must've been one hell of a fight."

I force myself not to flinch. She doesn't know. She doesn't know anything. "You could say that."

Mina puts a hand on my shoulder and squeezes.

Lita grins.

She doesn't know. She doesn't know.

"Where's Amy?" Mina questions. "She said we could meet her here."

"I haven't seen her."

The nerves hit me hard. I feel something unpleasant creeping up on me. "Where's the bathroom?"

"Upstairs. Third door on the right."

"Are you okay honey?"

I wave it off before climbing the stairs carefully, mindful of the sour taste in my mouth. I don't bother knocking on the door. I push it open and lean my forehead against the cool wood. . I keep taking deep breaths until I no longer feel like throwing up.

"I really am starting to believe that you're following me." My eyes open. I've got the embarrassing feeling that I've walking in on him in the bathroom, but I know better. I know that's not the case.

"I thought this was the bathroom."

"It's not."

I force myself to turn around. It is most definitely not the bathroom. This room is lines with books and books and books upon shelves. A brown leather couch sits to the side of the room and he stands at the window, like he's made to be there.

"I know."

"I don't remember inviting you to stay."

"I-" I turn to leave, but stop myself. I'm doing a lot of that today. "Why are you helping me?"

He doesn't say anything. His attention leaves the window and finds me. Those blue eyes hold mine, narrowing only a little bit, yet I can't look away.

"What are you getting out of it?" I whisper.

"What are you offering?" Still holding my gaze, he steps towards me. As if under a trance, I don't move.

He steps closer and I find my sense, backing up against the door to put distance between us. It doesn't make a difference. "What...what do you want?"

Darien stares into my eyes. He raises his hand to my face and this time I do flinch. But his hands are soft. The callous of his thumb gently massages my cheek as he tangles his hand in my hair. He looms closer, and his soft lips find a place behind my ear to press themselves against before making a trail to the side of my face. Eventually they find my bruised lips. It doesn't hurt. Still gently, the feel so gentle it's almost not existent, his lips move against mine.

This is what he wants. Everything has a price, doesn't it? And just like everything else, everything I've ever done- I'll have to pay it. My tears roll down, escaping. Wetting and salting our lips. This was all too good to be true, but everyone turns out to be the same. Everyone'll just ending up hurting you in the end anyway. I had hoped...but when has that gotten me anywhere?

A whimper sails through the air around us, bouncing off the spines of books and I realize that it's come from me. Darien's hand closes around mine, grasping my wrist. His tongue leaves a moist trail over the shell of my bottom lip before pulling away.

I only manage to unscrew my eyes when I hear the door open. Darien gives me a light push back out into the hallway.

"Consider your debt paid."

All I can do is stand there on wobbly legs. "I," I blink away remaining tears. "I don't understand."

"Don't sell yourself so short." he tells me before closing the door quietly in my face.

Things went this way and that way until my world exploded. I went this way and that way, falling and stumbling over myself.

I'm drowning after all.

x.-.x.-.x

**So that's it for now! I'd love to know what you think on this chapter. Thanks for reading. Stay tuned!**

**-S**


	9. Chapter VIII

_AN-_

_It's been a while. I know. Sorry about that. I truly am awful. I hope you don't dislike me too much and decide to boycott the reviews. Then I'd be __awfully __sad. Hahaha. Get it? _

_Bad joke. Far too soon._

x.-.x.-.x

**Chapter VIII**

Breathe.

Your body has a silent agreement with itself inside.

Breathe.

Inhale. Exhale.

Oxygen flows through your veins, keeping you alive; helping. Your body expels carbon dioxide. An exchange.

I inhale. Exhale.

Standing outside the door, that's all I can really do. Breathe.

The faint smell of sweetness and toast wafts up to my nose. My stomach growls in response. It seems to knock me out of my trance and I can move again.

I break. My feet pull me, leading me down the stairs.

"I don't understand anything." I mutter to myself.

Something inside me tells me that I don't need to understand anything at all. It'll all happen anyway, whatever it is, won't it?

The voice is so foreign to me. It's been so long since I've heard it speak for a moment, I think I've completely gone crazy.

Maybe I already have.

I stumble down the steps to an empty place. I want to sneak away right back out the front door, down that long driveway to the familiar embrace of nowhere.

The foreign voice has a grip on my heart strings, my mind strings. Pulling me in directions that end in bright lights at the end of the tunnel.

Marionette.

Broken dances.

But free.

Freedom stands at the end of every tunnel. A beacon of something I can't even remember. The thought warms my tired skin. The voice whispers words of hope or at least something like it.

It keeps me grounded. "Hello?" I call out uncertainly to the empty room.

"We're in here!" It doesn't sound like Mina, and I haven't known her as long, but I assume it's Lita.

I set off in the direction of where I think the voice came from even though I'm not all together sure that I'm going the right way. I've been unsure about so many things.

"Where exactly is here?" I ask. I've found my way to the kitchen. It looks like it's got state of the art everything. Stainless steel fridge and stove, high marble topped counters, a large island and dishwasher.

Lita is standing at the stove. She's changed her sports bra for a long sleeved shirt and apron.

Mina seats at the breakfast nook with a very pregnant, very beautiful woman. Long raven hair tumbles down her back in waves, bangs swept away from her olive toned skin. Almond shaped violet colored eyes thinly outlined in black liner and mascara regard me from across the room.

Conversation pauses.

Uncomfortable, I cross my arms before uncrossing them again to hook my fingers together behind my back.

"Serena, there you are. We were beginning to think that you'd got lost. I hope you're hungry, I'm making pancakes." Lita informs me with a grin.

"Raye." Mina begins. "This is-"

"Serena. I heard."

"Alright." the blonde says rolling her eyes. She pats a chair next to her, for me to sit down.

I pretend not to notice.

"Serena, this is Raye Shields-Bennett. Darien's sister."

"Nice to meet you." I say, though so far I get the feeling that she isn't thinking the same thing. I swallow back uncertainty. "You have a beautiful home."

She gives me a chilly smile before turning to Mina. "What is she doing here?"

"Don't be a bitch Raye." Lita scolds.

A fine manicured hand wraps itself around a glass of orange juice. Raye takes a sip, shrugging. When she's finished, the hostile attention is right back on me again. "Would you mind telling me what you're doing in my house Serena?"

"I invited her." Darien clarifies, coming up behind me.

I'm alert.

So very aware of him, of the tension in the room.

It all makes me want to run away screaming.

"_I_ didn't." she says icily.

"Stop it Raye." he says, grabbing an apple from the fruit bowl on the table. "_Now_."

"I don't want strangers here."

"Serena's not a stranger. She's my new roommate."

"Really," Raye comments, one hand still on her glass as if she's thinking of hurling it at me, the other hand rubs her large belly. "How wonderful for you both. What happened to her?"

I catch Darien's eye. He shakes his head before crunching into the fruit. It takes me a moment to realize that she's talking about me.

Breathe.

Inhale.

Calm.

No one knows.

And then, something snaps at her hostility towards me, for no reason at all. I haven't done anything to her. I don't know her. Do I deserve this?

I told Mina that I wanted to start over.

That was my one wish.

Starting now, I couldn't help myself.

Starting now, I didn't try to pull the words back and wrap them around my tongue. I didn't care.

"I'm standing right here. Why don't you try asking me so that I can tell you that it's none of your business."

I try not to let the stunned silence swallow me up whole.

Thankfully, it's broken by Lita's unmasked snickers.

It's too late.

I feel the heat warming my cheeks. "I'm sorry. I-"

"Don't apologize." Darien tells me, leaning against the counter, apple in hand. He looks everything like Adam and the forbidden fruit. He looks tantalizingly dangerous. "It does Raye some good to be put in her place every once in a while."

"Damn straight." Mina adds happily.

"Shut up." Raye snaps. "Both of you." Her icy glare finds me and I'm rooted to the spot, matching her glare with uncertain eyes.

She stands from her seat, almost gracefully despite her what looks like six months and walks in my direction. "You may be everyones new best friend, but I don't trust you."

"Give it a rest." Lita states exasperatedly.

"You don't even know me.." I tell Raye quietly.

She immediately sizes me up. "You think that matters?"

God knows I want to look away.

I don't.

Can't.

"It should."

"It doesn't."

"Then..." My heart feels as if it's hammering in my chest. Through dry lips, I say." I guess we don't have a problem."

"We'll see."

I shuffle awkwardly to the side to let her pass.

"Where are you going?" Mina questions.

"I lose my appetite. I'm going upstairs to take a nap. Let me know when Amy arrives, will you?"

"Nice meeting you."

Her lips turn up in an unpleasant smile as she slowly shakes her head before turning on her heel.

Breathe. In, out.

It feels as if I'm taking in too much as once.

"Don't listen to Raye." Mina reassures me, though it does nothing of the sort. "She's got a superiority complexe."

"My sister has her own issues. Just like anybody else. She's harmless."

"She's as rabid as a squirrel."

"I knew there was a reason you two were such good friends."

"Jerk."

"Pancakes are ready." Lita announces, carrying a plate stacked with breakfast to the table. "Dig in."

Noticing me still standing, she waves me over. "Come on Sere, you too."

No one's ever called me that, besides Sapphire.

The only other person who kept me sane in a world of hurt.

Pain.

A chill sweeps over me.

"Come on, sit down. You look like you're starving."

"I'm okay."

"Sit!"

"I'm not very hungry either."

Darien sighs frustratedly. "Either grab a seat or find your way upstairs to enjoy some more riveting conversation with Raye while the rest of us enjoy breakfast. Your choice princess."

"Not much of a choice..." I mumble, reluctantly grabbing a seat.

There is no doubt in my mind that the two came from the same gene pool.

I've got the feeling that that's one thing that I'll be getting used to.

_Breathe._

x.-.x.-.x

**Shit. Sorry. This chapter is probably reaaaaaally terrible, but I figured that I needed to post **_**something**_** for fear of thinking that I abandoned this story again. I haven't for the record. I've just recently become a couch potatoe and my thoughts are being turned to mush. It's dreadful. Sorry again. You've got the rights to flame me if you want to, I won't bitch. Promises, promises.**

**-S**


	10. Chapter IX

AN-

I know. Long time no...see? Talk? I'm not sure what to say there. A bit of time has passed- _clearly_. I've been busy. Sort of. During some of these months I have. And others...We will pretend that I was doing something somewhat productive other than the usual boring recesses of my ordinary life. I've written only a little bit at a time. And here we are. I'm not abandoning it. I feel like I'm leaving that impression behind every time I take another couple of years to update. Do not be alarmed! I suppose my motivation just takes a bit of time to develop and get moving. You understand don't you?

I only find it slightly amusing that when I finally do manage to update, I seem to have something of an excuse. Haha.

Are you laughing yet?

Didn't think so.

.

_**Chapter IX**_

"That was Amy," Mina declared with a shrug, pocketing her cellphone again. "she can't make it today. The hospital's paged her for an emergency surgery. She had to hurry back."

I sigh, relieved. At least for now.

"Well that sucks. I was looking forward to seeing her." Licking maple syrup from the palm of her hand, Lita sets about carrying her dishes to the sink. With her back leaning against the counter, she finishes her orange juice. Eyebrows raised, she says. "That girl works way too hard."

"I haven't seen her in ages!" Mina frowns. "Is the hospital going through a shortage of doctors or something? She's always on call."

"It's her job." Darien rolls his eyes.

"Yeah, well she's not the only one who works there. She should get a break every once in a while, that's all I'm saying."

Lita snorts. "Mina, she's saving lives. It's not like she's hooking for goodness sakes, and it's time to give up the 'trade'. She's _helping_ people. She can't get a break from this."

He looks my way.

I feel him burning his way through my skin.

Melting my bones.

Until there's nothing left at all and he can see right through me.

I give Lita most of my attention.

I won't lie and say that I'll try to ignore him. There's no plan and already it seems like a disaster.

As if he can read minds, out of the corner of my eyes, I notice his lips turn up into a smirk.

I don't understand anything.

I clear my throat. "Do you think she deserves a break?"

Lita looks startled by my question. "Of course I do! It's just that being a doctor isn't exactly passing around a box of bandaids, dust off your hands. You're done. Go home. It's hard work and I know Amy- this has been her dream. She cares too much about people not to give it her all."

"She sounds great."

"She is." Mina states, almost begrudgingly. "You'd probably love her. Everyone does."

Her comment makes me smile.

"Jealous?" asks Darien, teasingly.

Lita laughs loudly just as Mina sighs. "I can't even be jealous. The bitch is a _total _sweetheart."

"She sounds like an amazing person."

Mumbling, she tells me, "Like you wouldn't believe."

With a giggle, I thank Lita for a delicious breakfast.

"No problem babe. I'm glad you liked it."

" I _loved_ it." I hadn't ever tasted anything quite like it. Those pancakes were the best thing I've probably ever tasted.

She laughs, giving Mina a pointed look. "I like her." she shoots a mischievous look my way. "You can be my new test taster. Anyone who doesn't pick at their food like a starving mouse like some girls these day, is a friend in my book. Where do you pack it all?"

"Oh." I feel the blood rushing to my face, creeping down my neck. Greedily warming my skin. "I'm not really sure how to answer that."

"Don't bother." Chirps Mina. "We're outta here. I'm sure meeting Raye has totally drained you. I know _I'm _drained."

"Actually," Darien begins. "I'm taking her to see Amy."

"_Actually_," I say quietly, hoping that my tone is fierce enough while I carry my dishes to the sink. He thinks he's being gallant when he uphends me, taking the dishes from my hands to carry himself. That seems to piss me off even more. "I am pretty tired. I think I'll head back to the apartment too."

"Aw! You said _the_ apartment. It's official now. You're too adorable. I'm going to say bye to Raye while you two argue." she sends me a questioning glance as if I know what is going on. "I'm too lazy to figure out where she's lurking. Lita, gather up a plate of food so I can lure her out."

The cook rolls her eyes. "Come on, I'll show you."

"Golden."

"It was nice to meet you Sere. I guess I'll see ya when I see ya."

"It was good to meet you too." Though once they leave the room, the smile drops from my face. I don't attempt to pull myself back together. I whirl around to face him, but he's standing right behind me. I move away to put some distance between us before I say anything. "Are you suddenly under the impression that you can tell me what to do?"

"That's all I've been doing since I met you. Why change things now?"

"You don't own me okay?" That won't ever happen again. "I'm not going to do whatever you say just because you tell me to. We're not even friends. I don't even know you."

A brow raises, questioningly. "So you let your friends tell you what to do?

"Don't put words in my mouth."

"I'm not putting anything in your mouth."

What he says makes my blood boil. Why am I even here? Why was he?

Darien seems to take my silence in stride. "Look, I'm trying to be nice."

"This is you being nice?"

A corner of his mouth curves. "Get your coat."

"Because you're taking me home?"

"I'm only looking out for you."

"I didn't ask you to."

"Are we seriously going to have this conversation whenever we're around each other?" He says dryly, tossing me a bland look. "It's getting a little old." he adds.

"It's the truth. What...are you?"

A perplexed expression takes hold of his face. "Excuse me?

"What are you? Who are you? Why are you and Mina so nice and willing to help me? You don't know me!"

"Why are you complaining?" He steps closer and I can feel the heat radiating off of him. The scent of him fills me completely. He smells clean, a natural smell that is probably only ever him. Something like freshly cut grass and something else that I can't place. I want to back up, but he takes hold of my arm. The skin of my wrist tingles, a faint tickle, an incessant spark pricks at my flesh like sewing needles. Locking the electricity up inside me to rot.

Darien squeezes my hand lightly, his other hand reaches up toward me. Gentle fingertips graze my cheek, sweeping over the wound, the bruised skin around my eye. I flinch away, clenching my fists, but he doesn't let up. His hands dance across my face, my neck, leaving a burning trail of soreness and hurt and something else in their wake. "That's hurts." I tell him quietly.

"I know." his voice dips lower, almost so that I can barely hear him. "I'm sorry."

"No, you're not."

"Okay." fingertips graze of my brow. "I'm not."

I step back, watching his hands fall to his sides.

He says, "Maybe you need to feel it."

"What?

"_Everything_. Maybe you need to feel everything just to see it all."

"_Trust _me," I tell him bitterly. "I feel it."

"I don't think so. Not enough anyway."

"You think this isn't enough?" I demand. The electricity I thought that would stay locked up forever to die, oozes out of my pores until it's cold enough for my fingers to turn into icicles and smite anyone who crosses me. With one touch, I can turn his already cold heart to stone- to ice. But before I can do that, I can try with my words. "You don't think being pushed to the floor; being beaten until I'm almost unconscious is enough?" Something in his eyes changes, but I could care less. "You think I don't wake up and _realize_ how awful my life is? You think I don't know that? Do you honestly think I want someone I don't even know, some stranger's pity? I should be _so_ greatful because you feel sorry for me?"

"Okay, I'm ready to- hey what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Mina inquires as she enters the kitchen.

The hand she puts on my shoulder is meant to be comforting, but I shake her off. "I'll find my own ride."

"You're such a child." he hurls the words at my back as I walk away. They nestle there like a knife plunged deep between my shoulder blades until I pull it out. Invisible blood spurts all over.

"Fuck you Darien."

I swing the door open to escape this house of horrors. I don't slam the door like I should, instead I close it quietly behind me. They already know it. The world even knows it.

The thought sets me off, as if a trigger's been pulled. I run. Faster and farther away from everyone who knows just how screwed up I am, how I can be.

Suddenly, my feet are skidding against the gravel not even halfway down the long driveway and I tumble, falling, and I don't try to stop myself. The tiny rocks dig into my skin. I don't move. Not even when my tears drip down onto the ground smearing dirt over my face. A sob escapes me, my body- the corpse of horrors.

I drag my knees up to my chest.

This isn't how freedom is supposed to taste, is it? I never thought so.

It's that voice again.

Pure and loving.

It asks me, what will crying do?

And I haven't got an answer, save to stop crying at all.

Eventually the tears stop, and I'm sitting up.

I must have destruction coursing through my veins.

I wanted things to change, and I'm dragging my feet nonsensically. He was right. I was responsible for my own life. I wanted to be dependent. I wanted to do it all. Me. But I can't, not right now. Not now. And there are people, miracles even maybe. They may not seem like it, but they're willing to help me, no questions asked.

I need to be good. If people want to help me get there, than that shouldn't be a problem.

All of it should put a smile on my face, but here I am alone with tear stained cheeks.

I can't go back inside. I can't face them. At least not right now.

I pull myself up on unsteady limbs, bracing myself for what I'm about to do next.

I force myself to walk the rest of the way down the driveway. It would probably be better to take a cab, but it's okay.

I walk and walk and walk for what seems like ages and until I get a cramp in my side. People stare. Not long enough for there to be a problem, but long enough for me to notice what they're noticing. I stare straight ahead, shaking off my self-consciousness. I can't let their greedy eyes phase me. So I walk some more until my legs are ready to give out in front of the hospital that I've found my way to. I don't know if this is even the right place. I _hope_ it's the right place.

I gulp before taking my time walking inside Saint Emery's hospital. Over and over, I can't help thinking that I hope I've come to the right place. I hope I'm fine.

I hope I get good.

Good.

Better.

Great even.

I need to get there.

And if accepting help from new faces is what I've got to do, then I will. At least I can keep in mind that if it all goes wrong, if my world is stuck on repeat and history repeats itself, at least I can find my way out. I've learned that much.

I make my way past empty chairs and straight to the information desk. The nurse, or whoever she is gives me a once over before finishing her conversation over the phone.

I have to hold my hands together to keep from fidgeting.

The phone makes a clicking sound as she hangs up. She smiles a polite, I-see-this-everyday- smile. I manage to smile back. "How can I help you?" she asks me.

I want to tell her to get me out of here, but I can't. "I'm looking for," it feels like something is lodged in my throat when I try to swallow. I cough awkwardly. "I'm wondering if a doctor by the name of ah...Amy works here?"

She momentarily looks confused. "You mean Dr. Amy _Baxter_?"

I'm not sure who I mean, but I tell her yes, that's her.

She smiles again before picking up the phone and pressing a button. "_Dr. Baxter, please report to front desk. Dr. Baxter_." she commands through the intercom. She puts the phone down again, ushering for me to fill up one of the empty, lonely seats. "Have a seat. She'll be here in a minute."

A minute turns into five before a tall woman in a white coat makes her way towards the desk. Her hair is styled in a bob. A deep dark blue, like the ocean or the sky at night. She looks confident and determined and happy and willful. She looks lovely and sure and heroic.

I can hear the sound of her heels clicking against the floor from where I'm sitting. It only makes me more nervous.

She's speaking with the woman at the desk. Less then a second later, she's turning to me, curiosity soaking up her eyes. The heels click as they move towards me. Once she finally does reach me, I'm not sure what to do, what to say. I'm frozen amongst these lonely, empty seats.

"Hello."

"Uh..." I hold my hands tightly in my lap. "hi."

She offers me a warm, gentle smile. It reminds me of hot chocolate or tea on a cold winters day. "My name's Amy."

"I know." I tell her. "You're Dr. Amy. Mina and Lita spoke of you. They said you're a wonderful doctor."

She looks surprised. "You're a friend of Lita's?"

"I just met her today. I'm Mina's...new roommate."

"Oh. It's nice to meet you..."

Embarrassed, the words practically fall out of my mouth. "Serena."

She doesn't laugh. She looks like she understands everything, and I suppose she would. "It's nice to meet you Serena. What can I do for you?"

"I...I need help."

She nods. "I'd be glad to help you."

"But I," I take a deep breathe. "I don't have any money. If you can't help me, I understand-"

"I don't want you to worry about that. Everything will be okay. You might not want to believe me, but I need you to." she looks me in the eyes when she tells me. Her words set my heart a flutter, unleashing good things and thoughts and hope and love and light. "You're going to be okay."

That's all I'd ever hoped for.

She leads me to an elevator occupied by five other people. Amy presses button number four.

We ride the elevator in silence and not before long, we arrive at our floor. Amy leads the way out, walking down a hall before stopping at a door with a glass window. "My office." she tells me. "Please, come in." She walks around her desk to have a seat in her comfy looking chair.

I ease into the chair opposite her.

"This'll just take a moment." she dials unfamiliar numbers. She pauses before speaking. "Hi. I need you to come down please. See you then. Bye." when she hangs up, she clasps her hands together, resting them atop her wooden desk. "How are you feeling?"

"Lost." I tell her thoughtfully.

She looks at me, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "Do you want to tell me how this happened to you?"

If I tell her the truth, the police will get involved. Once the police are involved, _he'll _know and then I'm as good as dead.

I don't want to be a dead girl anymore.

"Some girl at a bar. She was wasted," the tale is woven like a ribbon, from my head to hers. "and I accidently spilled my drink on her dress. She got angry. The next thing I know, I'm waking up with a black eye."

"That's a little extreme."

"I agree." I'm not sure if she believes me at all, but the truth isn't an option.

I don't want to be a dead girl anymore.

**x.-.x.-.x**

**Okay. What do you think? Serena doesn't want to go down the same road with people claiming to be 'helping' her, but she realizes that she needs to start living her life. So this new help that she's getting can go one way or another way. Just thought I'd sum that up. The middle of the chapter to a turn for less depressing. It'll change soon, I promise. I pinky promises. They may seem lame, but they count as something. Thank you for reading.**

**Love,**

**Sasha**


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